


Dean in Real Life

by raiseyourpinky



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Castiel/Adam - Freeform, Dan in Real Life, Family Drama, Human Castiel, Inspired by a Movie, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-27
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-01-26 17:09:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1695974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raiseyourpinky/pseuds/raiseyourpinky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After long years of solitude, with no one but his two daughters by his side, Dean comes across a confused man in a bookstore. Dean makes a connection and allows himself to hope again, until he learns the truth about Castiel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I took the premise from the movie "Dan in Real Life" for this story. I hope you enjoy and keep reading.

Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were all packed and ready in paper lunch bags on the kitchen counter. Dean had drawn smiley faces with the strawberry jelly on the slices of bread.

This was a good day. Finally, the annual chance to get away from everything had come. With the help of his family, Dean might just survive a few more years of his distressful life. Despite his eldest daughter fighting him tooth and nail to get out of their traditional getaway, Dean was not giving it up. This would be good for all of them. He had to believe that.

Life in Little Falls was mostly quiet. His daughters were older now, and Dean wasn’t needed as much. New York was a good place to reside in because it made personal meetings with his agent and editor that much easier. If that wasn’t an important factor, Dean would make the move to Rhode Island, where they would go today.

There wasn’t much to see in the small state, but Dean liked it. Dean always wanted to spend more of his time there. But he settled for what he had. No—he liked what he had, there was no settling. His daughters were his life. Without them, nothing would really matter anymore.

Without announcing her entrance, Charlie reached around Dean for one of the paper bags. Slightly startled, Dean jumped up. Glancing at his daughter, he placed a hand upon his chest and smiled.

“Hi, honey. Are you ready for school?” Dean bent his knees to meet her eyelevel. He ran a hand through her smooth red hair, pushing it back and away from her face. “Do you want me to braid your hair today?”

Charlie shook her head, gripping the paper bag. “No, daddy. Emma won’t come out of the bathroom. I need to go.”

Rolling his eyes, Dean sighed and stood up straight. “Come on.” Dean held Charlie’s hand and walked over to the bathroom. As expected, the white door was shut. Dean knocked on it and waited, but there was no response. “Emma, your sister needs to use the bathroom. Could you please hurry up?”

“She’s seven,” Emma called out. “She doesn’t need to try as hard to look slightly presentable.”

Charlie let go of his hand and banged a tiny fist against the door. “Don’t be a big jerk, Emma! I have to use the bathroom.”

A moment later, and after a sound of locks being turned, the door opened. With half of her brown hair straight and the other half wavy, Emma stood on the doorway, holding a flat iron. Her glance drifted down to her little sister.

“Make it quick, punk,” Emma said, pushing past both of them and into her room.

“Emma!” Dean yelled, but the bedroom door was still slammed, shutting him out. “Go ahead, honey,” he told Charlie.

Charlie walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. Dean stood in the hallway between closed doors and two very different daughters. He sighed and leaned against a wall.

***

He spent the entire day cleaning the house and packing for their trip. Dean did the laundry and packed snacks for the road. Then, he drove to Emma’s high school and parked outside, waiting for her. He thought of his writing, and the possibility of his latest book getting turned into a film. An actual film. With real actors and a premiere date and one of those awful movie poster on the cover of his book.

Dean wrote realistic fiction. His most current novel was darker than the others, but his readers had posted a majority of positive reviews on Goodreads.

He was constantly fascinated by the lives around him, by the marvelous things people did for each other, the things they were capable of doing. Kindness was what he lived to see, to witness. Sometimes it came in small packages, and sometimes you had to practice it with someone else. But real life also came with struggles, with pain, and with tragedy.

 _The Life of Kevin_ was by far his most successful book yet, and there were talks about turning it into a movie. Of course, as these things were, nothing was truly certain until the movie actually went into production.

This book was about a single dad named Kevin Tran who lived in Kansas with his teenage son, Ben. Kevin had a minimum wage job at a local diner, and every month he had to sell another one of his possessions to afford the rent and bills and groceries. Suddenly, Ben started bringing money to the house, and lots of it. He brought up to a thousand dollars a week, without any explanation as to where he came up with the cash.

Kevin took the money the first few times because it was somehow better to accept possible drug money than to lose their home and end up on the street. That was when his life turned upside down, and in the midst of his mirage of success, Kevin found out the truth. His son, his precious son, had succumbed to prostitution. For a few hundred bucks, Ben would provide his services for paying customers of both genders. Kevin didn’t learn this from his son; he witnessed it on an alleyway one night on his way home from work.

On his knees, Ben was blowing some fat man in a suit. There wasn’t much Kevin could do, besides confront his son about it. The thing was, Ben had been working under a pimp, and his life no longer belonged to him. Most of the book consisted of the war Kevin had to start in order to win back his son, and to make things right again. In the end, Kevin did get Ben out of that lifestyle, but it was a little too late. Ben caught HIV from one of his “clients” and that was something he would have to live with for the remainder of his life.

 _You win some, you lose some,_ Dean thought.

There was a knock on his car window that pulled Dean out of his stupor. He rolled down his window when he saw Emma standing there with a bright grin on her face. “Can I drive?”

Leaning an elbow on the door, Dean raised his eyebrows. “Absolutely not.”

“But that’s not—”

“My Impala is a member of this family, and if you wreck her, we would all be very disappointed.”

“Why do you assume I’m going to crash? I have my driver’s license, dad! You treat me worse than you treat Charlie. I’m seventeen.” Determined, Emma folded her arms over her chest. “My boyfriend says I’m an excellent driver.”

Scowling, Dean opened the door and stepped out of the car. “Why don’t you repeat that to me? I don’t think I heard you right.”

Emma looked away and took a step back. “My boyfriend. What? I’m not allowed to have a boyfriend now?”

Letting his jaw drop, Dean rested his hands on his hips. “I thought we had an agreement, Emma. If you wanted to start dating, you would have to bring the guy—or girl, it doesn’t matter—over to the house so I could meet this person. Otherwise, it would be completely off the table.”

Emma scoffed. “That is so stupid. Nobody does that anymore, dad.”

“I don’t care who does that. I’m doing that.” Dean wagged a finger in front of Emma. “No boyfriend until I get to meet him.”

Groaning in frustration, Emma stomped her way to the passenger side and slid inside. Feeling a new weight on his shoulders, Dean got behind the wheel and drove to the elementary school to pick up Charlie.

“You’re a lot like your mother,” Dean told Emma at a stop light. “You look just like her, too.”

Lisa had been beautiful. She’d had glowing tan skin, and dark brown eyes. Her smile was always radiant and joyful. She had big, full lips that were always smooth and sweet. Dean had loved her. He’d loved to love her. During their years married, when they decided to have a baby, they tried countless times with no success. It was a near miracle when Lisa showed him that pregnancy test one afternoon and nine months later, Emma was born. She was the mere image of Lisa. When Dean held her in his arms, he found a complete new way to love someone. It was overwhelming.

They had always wanted to adopt. Charlie came to their life just at the right time. She was two months old when Dean and Lisa met her, and she smiled to him for the first time when he spoke to her. Charlie was full of giggles. In hindsight, she played an important role in the years after he lost Lisa. Her smiles were contagious, for both Emma and Dean.

Lisa didn’t get to see Charlie take her first step, or say her first word, or attend her first day of school. But Dean tried to keep her memory alive all the same.

“I know, dad,” Emma finally said, right before turning up the volume on the radio.

Dean parked the car, leaving a pouty Emma in the passenger seat while he went inside the school to pick up Charlie. As soon as she saw him from her classroom, Charlie went to him and wrapped both her arms around his waist, squeezing him tight. Dean hugged her back, indulging in the feeling of still understanding one of his daughters.

When she pulled back, she smiled up at him and then reached for his hand. Charlie wasn’t afraid to be seen holding her father’s hand. No, she actually looked a little proud. Or so Dean wanted to believe.

“Do me a favor, honey,” Dean said, walking with Charlie down the hallway. “Stop growing.”

With an open mouth and a confused look, Charlie turned to him.

Dean laughed. “Never mind.”

“You sure?”

Dean nodded, smiling. “Yes, Charlie.”

As they got near the exit, Charlie tugged on his hand. “You see that lady by the water fountain? That’s Ms. Mills, my music teacher.”

He looked to the far right. Dean spotted a tall, blonde woman in a fitted dress. She took a quick drink and walked in their direction.

“Say hi!” Charlie stage whispered.

In passing, Ms. Mills smiled and nodded at both of them, and Dean got out a quick “Hello.”

“She’s pretty, isn’t she?” Charlie asked, looking back. “She’s my favorite teacher.”

“Is she?”

“She’s also single.”

Dean pushed open one of the doors and held it open for Charlie to walk through. He pulled his keys out and glanced back to his youngest daughter. “Well, I’m sure she will find a nice partner someday.”

He didn’t want to push the subject any further. Dean didn’t want his daughter to see how uncomfortable the thought made him. Dating had been difficult since he lost Lisa. He had been set up by friends and family multiple times, but Dean had never made a connection. Not with anyone. It made him wonder if something was wrong with him. Was he still capable of feeling something genuine for someone again? The thought terrified him.

Loving someone meant making an exception. It meant risking his long-built comfort and adding a constant presence for his daughters. Loving someone meant changing or altering his routine, hoping that the person would understand that fitting into his life would be no easy task. He had unspoken fears and quite a close, large family. Dean had a load of guilt on his back, and he knew it was a pain in the ass for those around him. But most importantly, loving someone was a risk because nothing could guarantee the same sentiment being returned. Even if that person did love you back, there was still that risk of losing them.

No. Dean wasn’t ready for any of that.

Charlie hopped in the backseat and Dean drove straight to Rhode Island. He clenched his fists on the steering wheel, relaxing to the soft music in the car. Despite their constant bickering, Dean and Emma had one thing in common. They loved soft rock.

“Daddy, I passed my spelling test,” Charlie said from the backseat.

Dean glanced at her on the rearview mirror. He smiled as soon as he met her eyes. “Did you really? That’s great, honey.”

She nodded. “Daddy?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

Clearing his throat, Dean lowered the music. “I’m fine, Charlie. You okay?”

When he glanced at the rearview mirror, he caught her frowning. “I think you’re sad.”

Dean swallowed. “Sad? I’m not sad.”

“Okay,” Charlie said, accepting the lie.

***

There were only a few places in the world that were comparatively more beautiful than this vacation home in Rhode Island. One of them being the Egyptian pyramids. But this? This was home.

The house was huge. Its size shouted confidence. With only two stories, the house stretched to the sides. It was painted a dark green color that Dean could never find whenever he visited the Home Depot near his house. He had come close to it, but it wasn’t right. The porch at the front was long and spacious, able to sit his entire family. And in the back, the lake was only a few feet away. Unfortunately, the weather was hardly ever warm enough for a swim, but Dean didn’t mind. The sight was what mattered.

Emma hopped out of the Impala, slamming the door to show her anger. He knew what she was doing. He knew she was irritated and frustrated and so vulnerable all at the same time, and she just wanted to show it. Dean acknowledged her feelings, he did, but as always, he was at a complete loss for words. As a writer, that happened more often than one would assume.

Dean opened the trunk and handed Emma’s bag to her, which she took without a word. “This will be fun,” Dean muttered as she walked away. With a hop, Charlie got out of the car and helped Dean with her own bag. “Thank you, honey.”

“She’ll get over it,” Charlie said, sounding sure. “I know her.”

As always, Dean felt a glimmer of hope igniting his spirits whenever he talked to Charlie. He smiled and rustled her hair before they walked up to the house.

At the porch, John greeted them. His hair was mostly gray, but he had not yet lost his perfect posture. Dean smiled warmly at his dad, but John only had eyes for the giggly redhead.

Dean watched them hug before he leaned in to hug John, who led them inside.

“Glad you made it, Dean-o,” John said.

“Me too.”

The living room was packed tight with people he adored, and that made it all worthwhile. Adam, Dean’s youngest brother, pulled him into a warm hug—his family was filled with huggers. There was a new light in Adam’s green eyes; he seemed truly happy.

“You look good,” Dean told him.

Adam ran a hand through his honey colored hair. “I feel good. I’ll tell you more about it tomorrow.”

Then Dean was being dragged away by Sam, the middle brother, who gave Dean a playful punch in his arm for old time’s sake. Sam’s brown hair was out of control, and so were his sideburns. Apparently he was letting everything grow.

“Hey, Sammy. How did Henry do on his writing exam?” Dean asked. After many tutoring sessions, Dean was anxious to know how Sam’s youngest son had improved on the subject. Dean was a writer, but he was definitely not a teacher. But Sam and Jessica hadn’t minded that fact at the time they’d asked for his help.

“He did really well,” Sam said, looking around him. “Here he is.” He pulled a short boy who was running around the place towards him. Henry stood there with pink cheeks and sweaty hair stuck to his forehead. “Dean wants to know how you did on your writing test.”

“I got an 87,” Henry said impatiently. “I’m playing catch, so can I go?”

Amused, Dean nodded. “Go have fun. And congrats on your B plus.” Dean shrugged at Sam. “I guess we did what we could.”

Sam waved a hand. “Come on! He was getting fifties on those essays. Also, his cursive has really improved. Thanks, Dean.”

“I’m glad I could help,” Dean said. He noticed Jessica approaching them and smiled. “Hi, Jess. How are you?”

Jessica kissed his cheek before doing the same to Sam. “Dean, did Sam tell you about Henry?”

“Yeah,” Dean said. “Hopefully he doesn’t forget what I taught him in a few days.”

Dean couldn’t help but admire how young and beautiful Jessica looked at her age and after three kids from his gigantic brother. He instantly thought of Lisa, and how she would look if she were here now, her face glowing with a grin the size of the moon.

He stepped away to greet the rest of his family. Bobby, Jody, and their two kids. And in the kitchen, preparing a big meal for everyone, Mary stood behind a large counter, chopping tomatoes.

“Hi, mom. Need any help?”

Mary smiled warmly, and shook her head. “Dean, what did you tell Emma? She came in here screaming about how much she wishes she was the adopted one.”

Dean sighed heavily. “That’s—I’ve heard that one before. Plenty of times. She’s—I don’t think I know how to be her dad, Mom. I know how to be _a_ dad, in general, but being Emma’s father is a total mystery.”

“Wait until Charlie turns thirteen,” Mary said, nudging Dean with her arm. “You think she’s easy, but you just wait a few more years.”

Dean shook his head at the frightening thought. “I wish someone would just invent some kind of machine that would make children stay children. Not too young, so that I have to potty train them again, but not old enough like Emma. Every kid a parent has should stay Charlie’s age. Life would be a doozy.”

Setting her knife down, Mary threw her head back in laughter. “Oh, sweetheart. It’s not a wonder why you keep writing those books. By the way, have you heard anything about the movie deal?”

“Not a word,” Dean said. “If it’ll happen, it’ll happen. We’ll just have to wait and see.”

“I’m sure it will, dear. It would be such a heartbreaking film.”

“I didn’t mean to write a heartbreaking story,” Dean said, as though he were trying to excuse what he’d written. He wasn’t. It was the story that formed in his mind and it poured out of it through his swift fingers on a keyboard, and he wasn’t ashamed of it. No matter how “Lifetime” it was.

“Life is a constant heartbreak,” Mary said softly, and then she went back to chopping tomatoes. “Which remind me: since we’ll have a special guest this year, you’ll have to sleep in the basement. Don’t you give me that look, Dean. I cleaned it up, and I found you a nice twin bed. There are still some boxes there, but you’ll have more than enough stretching space.”

“I understand,” Dean said. He did. Besides Adam, Dean was the only single adult in this family, so it made sense that either he or Adam would get tossed down to the basement. Dean didn’t ask why it had been him. He just accepted it.


	2. Chapter 2

His twin bed was small, but it was a strange relief. After sleeping alone in his queen bed for years, always sleeping on his side of the bed, and turning to find no one on the left, no one to talk with in soft murmurs, no one to give him advice about his daughters, sleeping in a smaller bed was easier.

Dean lay in bed in his boxers and a black shirt, his arms folded behind his head as he glanced up at the dark ceiling. He could still hear the footsteps of his family in the first floor, knew that they were there, and that thought slowly drifted him to a sound sleep.

When he woke, Dean decided that he needed to spend some quality time with his daughters. He got dressed and went upstairs for breakfast. Unfortunately, he walked into an empty kitchen and a pile of dirty dishes soaking in the sink.

Mary came out of the living room. “We waited for you, but it’s almost noon.” She frowned, apologetically.

Dean did a half-shrug. Not a surprise. “I didn’t think I would oversleep. Mom, have you seen my girls?”

“They went down to the lake with everyone,” Mary said.

“Okay, I’ll go find them.” Before Dean could walk away, Mary held him still, holding his shoulders. “What is it?”

“Dean, sweetheart, give your girls some space. How do you think they feel after being stuck with you all year long? Come on, Emma won’t like it if you take her away from her cousins.”

Digging his hands into his jeans pockets, Dean furrowed his brows. “But I’m—”

“I know you’re their father. They know that. We all know that. Why don’t you go get the paper?” Mary pulled a dollar bill from her pocket. “On second thought, why don’t you buy some books while you’re at it? A person can never own enough books. Go on.”

Dean got the hint. His own family didn’t want him around today. It was understandable. He bummed them out. Dean didn’t argue with Mary. Instead, he kissed her cheek, grabbed his keys and his jacket, and headed out into the cold.

The drive was lonesome and quiet. That is what he loved about this town. It was the perfect place to get away, if Dean ever wanted to get even farther away from people. At this rate, he would be so far away that he would really become invisible.

Rhode Island Books, read the hand-painted sign, above the 10% off red dot poster, which was also handmade. He parked outside of the small bookstore, which he respected for staying open even at this climate. God knew his books were mostly sold electronically nowadays.

The inside was just as he’d remembered. He used to love this bookstore. It was a small place filled with shelves of new and used books. He could get lost here all day, which was exactly what Mary had had in mind. Bells chimed as Dean swung open the door, and the man behind the checkout counter barely looked up as he continued his phone conversation. A whiff of cinnamon welcomed him, filling his body with warmth. A red candle burned on the counter. He could definitely get lost in this place forever.

Dean grabbed a newspaper and headed over to the literary fiction section. He skimmed over the titles, seeing a few familiar ones, most of which he already owned. He was about to pick out a book from the top shelf when he heard the bells again. His curiosity made him stick his head out from behind the shelves, to find a man in a khaki trench coat looking perplexed and entirely out of place.

“Excuse me,” Confused Man said. Dean widened his eyes at the gravelly voice spoken by Confused Man. However, the man behind the counter paid no attention. “I’m looking for a book.”

Dean held back a chuckle— _why else would you be in a bookstore?_ —and looked away before Confused Man could catch him staring. Dean pushed the stool closer to him and stepped on it, reaching for the book he’d wanted to get all the way at the top. When he got back down, Dean jumped, startled.

Confused Man was standing right in front of him. Was he even wearing any shoes? How did Dean not hear him? Confused Man was standing one foot too close to Dean, completely cutting him off from his personal space.

Being this close to Confused Man made Dean appreciate his clear blue eyes. His dark hair was long and messy, and when Confused Man pulled on it, the messiness increased. It was an amusing contrast with his black suit and overcoat.

“I think I need you,” Confused Man said.

“Come again?”

“I need your help,” Confused Man said. “I’m looking for a book.”

Dean grinned, clutching the book in his hands. “Yeah, I heard you a minute ago. I’m Dean.” Dean held out his right hand, and Confused Man shook it, looking even more confused.

“Cas,” he said.

“So, do you know what type of book you’re looking for?”

Cas pursed his lips, pondering. “I want something that reminds me what love feels like, because I think I’ve forgotten.”

In a quick motion, Dean licked his lips, humming. “Love. That’s kind of broad. Now, I know you might think the romance genre is the way to go, but I’ve learned that some of the best books about love come in the most surprising genres.”

“Maybe not love, then,” Cas said, hesitant. “I want something to keep me so interested that I forget about time. Is that possible?”

Dean turned and walked over to another shelf, picking out random books. “Anything is possible in life, Cas. You just have to want it enough. When it comes to books, I’ve learned that you have to read a lot of bad ones to find a really good one. And when you can’t find what you’re looking for, you write it.”

“I don’t think I could write my own book,” Cas admitted, stopping next to Dean at the back of the store. They were alone here, and Dean couldn’t carry the stack of books anymore, so he set them down on a table.

“Well, I might be able to help with that in the future,” Dean said, unsure of what he had just promised to this stranger. He wanted to write him a book? _Get a grip, Dean-o._

“Do you write?” Cas asked, stepping closer, right into his personal space.

Dean cleared his throat, looking at the books on the table, the ones Cas was completely ignoring for the sake of staring intently at Dean. “I—uh—have written one or two books before.” Four, exactly.

“And I haven’t read you yet?” Cas asked, sounding disappointed. “Your name is Dean…”

“Winchester. Dean Winchester. I’m not surprised that you haven’t heard of me. I write realistic fiction. It’s not a very popular genre.”

When he turned to him, Cas had a tiny smile on his face. It was something Dean would call sweet, but that made no sense. Why did he care so much about the way this stranger smiled at him?

“I haven’t read you, but I want to now,” Cas said in earnest. He finally looked away, and Dean shifted his feet. The amount of attention Cas was giving him made him feel…it made him feel alive.

Dean swallowed, picking up the first book off his pile. “So, anyway, if you wanted some romance, I’d start with a classic. _Pride and Prejudice_ definitely is a must read.” He picked up another book. “Oh, look, _Extreme Zombies_. How did that get in there? Don’t read that. Ah, this is a good one. Pablo Neruda’s poetry. Need I say more? _The Great Gatsby_. That’s another good one. _The Shining_ —way better than the movie. No romance there, but a lot of heart. You know what? As long as you stay away from paranormal romances, I think you’ll be safe.”

This time, Dean earned more than a smile. Cas laughed. His laughter was the same tone of his voice, deep and gruff and manly, and for some reason, Dean could not have enough of it. He wanted to make him laugh again. The problem was Dean wasn’t funny.

“I’m not much help, am I?”

Cas tilted his head to the side, giving Dean a look as if they’d known each other their entire lives, and Dean was being nonsensical yet again. “You were everything I needed, and more. Thank you, Dean.” Cas picked up the books off the table, one by one. “I’ll take them all.”

As they waited for the guy—still on the phone—to ring them up, Dean heard the embarrassingly loud noises made by his empty stomach. He’d left in such a rush from home that he didn’t eat breakfast. Cas turned to him, and suddenly he was laughing again, so free and so wonderful.

“I hope you don’t take this the wrong way,” Cas said, leaning closer. “But I would really like to take you out for lunch. It’s the least I can do after what you did for me.”

_Take this the wrong way? You mean, like, a date?_ “Okay, sure,” Dean said easily. He wouldn’t take it “the wrong way.” He would take it any way it came.

***

They sat on a bench near the bay overlooking the sea. It was a nice day, with just enough clouds to cover up the burning sunlight. Cas had bought them both an orange juice and a turkey sandwich. Eating this, Dean felt like a kid, especially with the chocolate chip cookie for dessert, but he liked it.

“She was so much better at being a parent,” Dean said. It had been odd, at first, to talk about Lisa and his girls, but Cas made him so comfortable that he felt like opening up to him. He was getting used to all of these sudden emotions. The ones brought forth by the memories and by the longing sensation in the pit of his stomach. It was a high possibility that Dean was quickly developing an actual adult crush on Cas. If that was even a thing.

“I’m sure you’re a great parent,” Cas said, sipping on his juice. “But kids will always be difficult. People are difficult as it is.”

“Yeah,” Dean said, leaning forward on the bench. “I’ve realized that I haven’t stopped talking about myself and my life. You’re probably really tired of hearing me. Tell me more about you.” Casually, Dean let his arm hang on the top of the bench, not quite touching Castiel’s shoulder.

Cas gave him another one of those familiar glances. “I really enjoyed listening to you. I’ve never met a more fascinating person.” He checked his watch. “Shit. I forgot I have someplace to be. I guess it is possible to forget about the time when you’re with the right person.”

“I’m sorry you have to leave,” Dean said, getting up with Cas.

“So am I.” Looking away, Cas took a deep breath. “I promised my partner I would meet his family.”

“Oh.” _Of course_. Of course he wasn’t available. How did Dean not see this coming?

“I have to go,” Cas said, sounding like he was trying to convince himself more than Dean.

“Let me walk you to your car,” Dean said, picking up Cas’ books and carrying them over to his car.

Cas opened up the trunk and Dean put them inside, closing the trunk again. “Dean, I am truly glad I met you. First chance I get, I’ll look up your books and buy them all.”

“That’s not really what I was aiming for,” Dean muttered, digging his hands into his pockets. “Could you at least give me your number? Not that I’m expecting anything. I mean, I know you have someone.” _Great, Dean, just keep repeating that. It won’t make it any less awkward._

“I do,” Cas said, opening his door. He pulled out a card from the inside of his jacket and handed it to Dean. He brushed their fingers just slightly before pulling his hand away. “Both my work and cell number are on that card, so give me a call sometime.”

Dean read the card. “You’re a photographer?”

“Yeah. Is that a problem?”

“I really wish I could have let you tell me more about you.” _What is wrong with me? Shut up, just shut up._

“If you give me a call, we can arrange something,” Cas promised.

“Sure.” Dean put the card in his pocket. “I’ll call you. I _will_ call, so you should pick up.”

Cas didn’t laugh, but he smiled. “I will absolutely pick up.” He climbed in an old white Honda and closed the door.

Dean leaned against his Impala, watching the loveliest of strangers drive away. He knew he couldn’t have him, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want him.

***

His family was all scattered around the house by the time Dean made it back. He was dying to tell someone, to tell everyone, about his brand new…crush? How could a forty year old have a crush? No, he didn’t have a crush, although the thought of Cas did feel like an enormous crush against his entire being. No, what he felt for Cas was something familiar and yet all brand new. He wondered what it would be like to spend his days talking to him over lunch, every day. What it would be like to kiss him, and tangle his fingers in his hair.

Holy fucking shit. Dean had it bad for Cas.

Dean caught Adam and Sam in the corner of the living room and approached them with a ridiculous giddiness. He opened his mouth and closed it before he got a word out.

“What is it?” Sam asked.

“Did you get lost on your way home?” Adam wondered.

Dean ignored the second question. “I met someone.” That much was true. That was the simple part.

Both of his brothers looked at him as if he was some kind of alien who had taken over Dean’s body.

“Someone you’re interested in…?” Sam asked slowly.

“Or someone you want to bang all night long?” Adam said.

“Is there a difference?” Dean wondered, and then shook his head. “No, guys, I met someone I like. It came as a surprise, but I made a connection. I felt something I haven’t felt in a really long time.” _Comfort, longing, joy_.

“What’s her name?” Adam asked, suddenly amused.

“See, the thing is, he’s a man.” Dean grinned easily. So what? He was a forty year old coming out of the closet. He didn’t even know he was gay until he saw those big blue eyes staring back at him. It wasn’t like he very much cared about genders. His philosophy was that if you like someone, you like someone. End of story.

Not so much this time, because the person he liked had _someone_ else.

Adam placed a hand to his shoulder, gripping it. “So you’ve joined my side. Good for you, bro.”

Sam grinned. “Okay, so tell us more about this mysterious man of wonder.”

“By the sound of it, he’s in a pretty serious relationship,” Dean said. If Cas was meeting his partner’s family, then that was the only conclusion he could draw. “But, he gave me his number. What do you think? Am I such an ass for thinking about calling him and getting to know him better?”

Adam shook his head. “You do what feels right. All’s fair in love and war, Dean.”

There was a knock at the door and Adam leaped away.

Sam watched Dean carefully for a moment, and then he narrowed his eyes. “Are you sure you know what you’re getting into? Because I don’t want you to get hurt, Dean. I know how huge this is for you, especially after so many years of total apathy on your part.”

“Thanks,” Dean deadpanned.

“Well, it’s true.”

Adam laughed, and Dean turned around. “Dean, Sam,” Adam said. “This is my boyfriend, Castiel. Castiel, meet my brothers.”

Dean tried not to let his emotions show on his face, or his eyes drift down to Adam’s hand around Cas—Castiel’s—waist, holding him possessively. And Cas, with crimson in his cheekbones and his mouth hanging open from the unhidden shock and confusion.

“Nice to meet you,” Sam said, extending his hand. Cas blinked, finally looking away from Dean, and he shook Sam’s hand.

“Yeah, it’s very nice meeting you, Cas _tiel_.” Dean shook his hand, biting his tongue to keep from saying something completely stupid.

That was it. Here ended his fantasy with Cas. He was with Adam, Dean’s little brother. How could Dean fight with that? How could he deal with that?

Cas cleared his throat and continued staring firmly into Dean’s eyes. The look was so intent, that Dean had to be the one to look away.

Laughing, Adam dropped his hand from Cas’ waist. “Babe, Dean was just telling us about this hot dude he met at the bookstore. Honestly, though, it was about time. He’s been moping for seven years.”

“Hot dude?” Cas echoed, furrowing his brows.

This time, Dean was the one with flushed cheeks. “I didn’t—”

“Oh yeah, it turns out I’m not the only gay man in the Winchester family,” Adam said. He turned to Dean, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Take it from me, it only gets better from here.”

Dean feigned a smile. “Thanks, but I don’t need the talk. I can handle myself.” Dean returned the eye contact with Cas. “But I don’t think I have much to worry about anymore.”

“Come on, Dean, don’t give up so easily,” Adam said encouragingly.

“Well, I think it’s good that Dean’s being cautious,” Sam said, nodding his head. “There’s no point in going after someone that’s already in a relationship. Dean can bang any man he wants.”

Tightly shutting his eyes, Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. “Sammy, don’t help me.”

“Adam, will you excuse me?” Cas said, making Dean look back at him. “I need to use the bathroom.”

“Oh, sure. I’ll take you, babe,” Adam said, placing his hand on Castiel’s back and guiding him down to the hallway.

“Adam’s newest catch seems charming,” Sam commented. “I’m sure Mom and Dad will really appreciate the normalcy aspect. Remember Lucifer? That man was nothing but trouble.”

Dean took a deep breath. “Yeah, I’m sure he’s wonderful.”

This would be a long weekend.


	3. Chapter 3

Everyone gathered in the living room to watch the baseball game. Dean had never been a sports fan, so getting out of that activity was easy. Besides, it wasn’t like Dean was some kind of masochist. He didn’t want to see the way Adam leaned close to Cas—Castiel—and murmured sweet nothings in his ear, while Cas squirmed away politely.

His family had done nothing but pester Cas with questions. To them, he was a brand new toy with a vault of brand new information. Even Charlie and Emma seemed thrilled by the surprise guest. Dean was grateful the game had cooled them off, and they had all huddled in the living room couches and carpet to watch the game.

Dean grabbed a Sudoku puzzle from his bag and a pen and walked into the living room, where his family barely minded his presence. “I’ll just be out by the lake,” he told no one in particular. Then he spotted Charlie lying in the carpet, her flaming curls spread out like a fan. “Sweetheart, would you like to come out with me and keep me company?”

Charlie glanced up at him. “Are you afraid of being alone?” she asked seriously.

Dean chewed on the inside of his cheeks to keep from grinning. “Not exactly. I was just wondering.”

“She doesn’t want to go,” Emma said. “Leave her alone.”

“I’ll go with you if you need me to go with you,” Charlie offered, leaning up on her elbows.

Dean waved her away. “No, it’s all right. I have my puzzle with me.” He looked through the room, at the anxious faces carefully watching the game, rooting for their team of preference. All except one. Cas didn’t look very interested in the game. Instead, he was looking at his hands, neatly folded on his lap. He was sharing the small loveseat with Adam.

Dean sighed and went out the back door, but he couldn’t seem to want to walk farther from the back deck. From there, he had a perfect view of the lake, and he wouldn’t freeze to death from the breeze. He sat on the bottom step and stretched out his legs. The air was cleaner in Rhode Island. It went gladly to his lungs. He’d give anything to be here, but not alone.

Charlie hadn’t been so far from the truth when she’d asked if he was afraid of being alone. Loneliness didn’t terrify Dean, but it did concern him every once in a while. If only the first person he decided to open up to wasn’t his brother’s fucking boyfriend, Dean would have been one step closer to attaining something he deeply missed. That sweet companionship and warm feeling in his gut.

Dean was an idiot for opening up again. Maybe it wasn’t the time. Maybe it was still too soon. With Lisa, Dean had had everything he’d ever wanted. Dean shouldn’t be greedy now.

“Dean.”

When he turned around, to the deep voice coming from behind, Dean found the man that had shaken up the last few hours of his life like an earthquake. Cas stood on top of the stairs, arms loose on his sides and cheeks pink, but this time from the cold.

“Don’t worry, I won’t call anymore,” Dean said, going back to his puzzle book, which up to now, hadn’t been opened.

Suddenly, Dean heard a rustling of fabric, and he turned again to see Cas sitting at the top of the steps, staring out to the lake.

“Do you believe in coincidences?” Cas asked quietly, finally looking straight at him.

“I’m a skeptic,” Dean said, shrugging.

“This was unexpected.”

Dean turned around completely because his neck was starting to hurt. “Let’s get something clear. I did not call you a ‘hot man.’”

Cas gave him a tiny smile. “And this isn’t a midlife crisis either?”

“What? My sudden attraction to men? I think I know me better than that. Don’t consider yourself special, Cas.”

“I guess I should ask myself the same thing,” Cas said, sinking his hands into his hair. “We met at a gym, your brother and I. He’s twelve years younger than me.”

“Adam is great,” Dean said.

“Yeah, he is.” When Cas removed his hands from his hair, it had become even messier. He set his elbows on his parted knees and glanced ahead. “I’m not crazy, am I? For wanting to clear the air with you?”

Dean rolled his eyes, glancing at Cas. “Don’t worry about me.”

Cas looked at him again, squinting. “You have a great family. I’ve never seen a family so close.”

“They’re the best.”

Cas nodding, standing up. “I guess I’ll see you around since we’ll be living under the same roof for a few days.”

“Actually, I’m a roof below you. I got thrown down to the basement,” Dean said, tapping his pen on his puzzle. It made a whole lot of sense now, why Dean had been tossed to the basement while Adam got Dean’s usual room. The room he would be sharing with Cas. Castiel.

“I should go back inside,” Cas said, giving him a sympathetic glance. He took a step back and then turned on his heels, disappearing into the house.

***

Dean rubbed his eyes after his sixth Sudoku puzzle was finished. He hadn’t expected to have so much uninterrupted time after Cas had gone back inside. The lake looked calm and peaceful when he glanced at it.

When he went back inside, his family was back to bombarding Cas with questions.

“Who have you photographed?” Jody asked with a big smile. “You’re not paparazzi, are you?” Castiel’s eyes widened.

Dean closed the door and let himself in the living area. Folding his arms, he stood there smirking at Cas’ sudden awkwardness.

“No, far from it. My job’s pretty boring. I work for Albuquerque’s magazine. I photograph objects more than people.”

 “Interesting,” John said, rubbing his chin.

“Have you travelled a lot?” Emma asked, eyes lit with excitement. She was practically bouncing on her knees. Finding it unbelievable, Dean rolled his eyes.

Cas nodded sheepishly. “Yeah, I’ve been to many countries. I worked independently for many years. I was able to travel the world and sell my photographs to popular magazines. But in the end, I decided to settle down someplace quiet. I’ve been living in New Mexico for two years, and I like it so far.”

“Why did you want to live someplace quiet when you could be living in Paris?” Emma asked, wrinkling her eyebrows. Dean stood straight, narrowing his eyes at Cas, who momentarily made eye contact from the loveseat.

“I like the quiet,” Cas admitted, exhaling a long breath. “I like having a home somewhere.”

“And someone to come home to, especially,” Adam pitched in, pulling Cas into an awkward hug on the seat. They were cuddling, right in front of everyone.

Dean cleared his throat, taking a few steps towards the couch. He sat on the armrest, smiling at Adam and Castiel as if nothing was or had ever been wrong. “You know what would be great? If we all went jogging at the lake.”

“Wouldn’t hurt to attempt to get rid of my beer belly,” Bobby said.

“That’s the attitude,” Dean said, winking at his uncle Bobby.

After everyone jumped on board with Dean’s idea, they all headed up their respective rooms to change into workout clothes. Dean slipped on gray sweatpants, a white t-shirt, and a black hooded sweatshirt, leaving it unzipped. Just as he was lacing his sneakers, he heard someone descending the stairs.

Mary showed up, stepping close to the bed. “What’s on your mind, dear?”

“What do you mean?” Dean asked, focusing on his shoes and nothing else.

“Sam told me about what happened at the bookstore,” she said with a knowing smile. Before Dean could let out a word, she continued. “You know it doesn’t change anything, right?”

“What, me being attracted to a man?” Dean said, quirking an eyebrow.

Mary chuckled, sitting on the edge of Dean’s small bed. “Dean, it’s been too long. You’ve mourned Lisa enough. I think you should let yourself fall in love again, don’t you?”

Dean blinked. That wasn’t what he’d been expecting to hear, and it wasn’t the advice he needed at the moment. “But, Mom, the person I want doesn’t want me. What’s the point?”

Mary shook her head, glancing right into Dean’s eyes with patience and affection. “The point is that getting your hopes up is sometimes more rewarding that closing yourself up on the first obstacle you stumble upon.” She ran a hand through his hair, like she did ever since he was little. “Dean, don’t be so afraid anymore.”

Dean nodded, taking a deep breath as his eyes drifted above Mary’s head, to the staircase. “I’ll do what I can,” Dean promised.

“Good,” Mary said, softly patting his cheek. “Now let’s go break a sweat.”

***

They had the lake mostly to themselves. Dean stayed back and walked with his parents and uncles, rather than jogged with the more fitted members of his family. He couldn’t stop thinking of his mom’s advice, or the fact that he didn’t know what to do about it.

There was no way he would try to make a move on Cas, knowing full well he was dating Adam. On the other hand, he knew Adam. His little brother wasn’t serious when it came to dating. Every year, he brought home a new guy. Judging by his track record, Cas would be another ex this time next year. So, was Dean really being stupid by letting himself hope?

Yes, of course he was. There were other men, and women, for that matter. Why was he suddenly so hung up on Cas, who was nothing but a stranger?

Dean slumped his shoulder and started jogging to catch up with the rest of them. He ran next to Adam, who was keeping up with Cas. The two were wearing matching blue t-shirts and black sweats.

“Hey, Dean,” Adam said, smiling at Dean. He was in better shape, so he could speak without sounding entirely out of breath.

Dean tried to control his breathing as he continued jogging besides the happy couple. “Adam,” Dean gasped.

Adam chuckled, turning to share a glance with Cas before returning his attention to Dean. “So, what’d you think?”

“Think of what?” Dean asked, swallowing.

“My surprise,” Adam said. “You didn’t really say anything. You’re usually the one with all the questions.”

Dean shook his head, pretending he didn’t know what Adam was referring to. Yeah, in the past he had interviewed Adam’s partners. He didn’t want his little brother getting hurt. It was his job to make sure he’d chosen wisely. But this time, he just wasn’t feeling up to playing the part of Protective Big Brother.

“I think Cas got enough questions,” Dean said, waving a hand at Castiel, who was looking straight ahead, giving them some privacy.

“He doesn’t mind,” Adam said.

“You usually do the talking for him?” Dean asked his brother, inhaling a sharp breath.

“I don’t usually run and talk,” Cas said, forcing a smile on his face as he turned to Dean. Then, he increased his speed and jogged past both of them. Castiel’s movements were measured and made him appear weightless. He jogged with grace, and when the jogging turned into a run, his arms moved just as quickly. Dean couldn’t help staring.

Adam elbowed him, and Dean shook his head. “What do you think of him?”

Dean realized Cas was a safe distance away from them, and so was the rest of his family. Whatever he would tell his brother here wouldn’t be heard by anyone else. He considered coming clean, explaining the situation, and then packing up and taking his girls home a few days early. It was for the better, but Dean didn’t want that. Not just because that would mean no more Cas, but because his girls wouldn’t forgive him, and he couldn’t afford to screw up again.

Another elbow on his ribs reminded Dean that he still hadn’t responded to his brother’s question. He looked at Castiel’s agile movements before turning to Adam. “I think he’s…the best man you’ve ever brought home.”

“Really?” Adam asked, genuinely surprised.

“I wouldn’t lie to you,” Dean said, playfully punching Adam’s arm.

“I’m glad you think so,” Adam said. “I want you to get to know him better.”

Dean frowned. “Why?”

“It would mean a lot to me, Dean,” Adam insisted. “I don’t know, show him one of your books, and sit with him at dinner. You’ve never liked any of my guys before.”

Dean was forced to slow down, but Adam slowed down with him. He couldn’t handle the pain this mess was causing him. Pretending that everything was just fine wasn’t helping much either. “Come on, Adam, you don’t need my approval.”

Adam shook his head and looked away with a smile. “It sounds like you need to get to know me better, too.”

Stunned, Dean blinked as Adam ran to catch up to Cas.

***

There was a small room in his parents’ lake house that had been turned into a personal library. They had a diverse collection of genres, and that’s why Dean always visited this place every time he was here.

A brand new shelf had been dedicated to Dean’s four books, and behind those on display were the few extra copies Dean had given them. He scanned the tip of his fingers over their spines, trying to remember the struggle it had been to complete each and every one of his books. Each book had a different story inside, as well as a story of how it had been written.

Dean grinned fondly at all of the books. There were more books in here than he could ever read, and his home library was twice as big. Somehow, the thought of living his life through books lifted his spirits. At least he still had them. He could get lost in a book and forget where he was, and who he was with. Dean felt stronger in this room.

The door was pushed open, pulling Dean out of his reverie. When he turned, he saw Castiel, juggling two mugs of something hot in his hands. Dean rushed to help him, taking one of the mugs from his hand. The rich scent of chocolate was strong, and it made Dean smile again.

Castiel turned to close the door to the library and faced Dean with the same type of smile. “Thought you might want some hot chocolate.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Dean said, glancing down at his cup, finding tiny white cubes floating on the surface.

“I hope you like marshmallows,” Cas said quietly, moving closer to the bookshelves.

“I do,” Dean said, distractedly. He turned and followed Cas’ gaze on the books. “Did Adam send you?”

“Am I bothering you?” Cas asked, not taking his eyes off the books. Dean was grateful, because something weird happened in his gut whenever he stared into Castiel’s blue eyes, and he didn’t need the temptation.

Dean came to stand next to him, and he shook his head. “Not at all. I guess I should take this time to show you my books.”

Finally, Castiel turned to him, his eyes lit up with the mention of Dean’s books, and Dean couldn’t help but laugh at the boyish grin on his face. “They’re here?”

“All of them,” Dean said, nodding. He gave a tilt to signal Cas to follow him. On the right side of the room were his books and Dean pulled them all out, cradling them against his chest. “I’d be lying if I said I don’t enjoy talking about my books.”

“Your mom mentioned something about a possible movie?” Cas said slowly.

“Yeah, there are rumors,” Dean said, sighing. “I’m not sure if I should get my hopes up…” Dean trailed off, remembering Mary’s words, telling him to do exactly that. Getting his hopes up was like jumping off an airplane without a parachute and hoping for a miracle.

Castiel was still smiling at him. Then he just shrugged. “I think you should.”

Dean rolled his eyes, walking over to the small, colorful sofa in the room. They sat together and Dean set both of their mugs on the table to the side. Then he put all of his books on his lap and lifted them up individually as he explained what each one was about.

“So, this is your newest creation,” Cas said, gripping _The Life of Kevin_.

“That’s it.”

“I want to read all of them,” Cas said with certainty, turning to Dean. “Could I borrow them?”

Dean shook his head. “Keep them. They’re signed.”

Cas had the biggest smile Dean had ever seen on his face. It reminded him of summer days at the beach and waking up to the sound of laughter. It made his chest swell up with something like joy, which was a feeling he wasn’t used to anymore.

“Wow. Thank you. I don’t even know what to say.”

Dean watched Cas with awareness. He knew he couldn’t let himself hope, but he also knew that he had been asked by his brother to get to know Cas. Was he supposed to let that opportunity slide now that he had it? Besides, getting to know a person wasn’t a crime, right? “You don’t have to say anything. I’m glad you’re so interested in my writing,” Dean said.

“Dean, I…” Cas flickered his eyes from Dean’s hazel ones to his nose, or maybe lower, Dean couldn’t tell because it happened much too fast. “I feel like total crap about what happened.”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s really not,” Cas said, frowning. “Because now you probably think I’m a flirty bastard and should not be trusted, and I’m dating your brother, but I gave you my number.”

“You weren’t really flirting,” Dean said, scratching the back of his neck. “I didn’t know what was happening, honestly, I just knew I liked it.”

Cas gave a melancholy smile. It made all of his face soften up. “I shouldn’t—”

“Cas,” Dean stopped him, “there’s no point in going through this all over again. Let’s just play this out and get it over with. After this, we’ll probably never see each other again.” Unless, Adam brought him back next year, but the chances of that were slim.

“Never?” Cas said, wrinkling his forehead and tilting his head to the side, looking just as confused as he’d been in the bookstore.

Dean shrugged, unable to form a good response.

Cas reached over him to grab his mug and took a careful sip. “You know, I have a little sister. Her name’s Anna.”

“That’s…nice?”

Castiel smiled, swatting at Dean’s chest, lightly. “I’m not done. I have a sister, and she was Emma’s age once. She grew up without our Mom and Dad. All of us did. My two brothers and I, we were older then, we were independent. We didn’t need our parents as much as she did. And she acted out, doing anything she could for a speck of attention. I didn’t know how to handle her half of the time. She wouldn’t talk to me, tell me what was wrong. She just shut me out. Eventually I gave up and let her be. Then she came to me, all on her own. I didn’t have to do anything but give her space. Anna knew that I would always be there for her, waiting until she needed me, and when she did, I was there, just like I promised.”

“You’re saying I should stop speaking to my daughter?” Dean wondered.

Cas shook his head, patiently. “No, that would be absurd. Simply back off a little. She’ll come to you sooner than you think. Give it time. They grow out of it.”

“You really think so?”

“I know so,” Cas assured him, setting his palm on Dean’s shoulder. Dean followed his hand with his eyes and stared at it, until Cas moved it away. “Sorry.”

Dean waved a hand, dismissively. “I’ll keep that in mind, Cas.”

“You should.”

Dean wiggled his eyebrows enigmatically. “Do you want to go back out there and try to bond with the rest of my family?”

Cas laughed. “More than anything.”

Dean stood up and took his mug in his hands, waiting for Cas to rise to his feet. “Stay back. I’ll be your shield.”

“All right, Captain America,” Cas said amusedly.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Asshole.”

“Hey!” Cas complained, laughing again.

“Seriously, I’ll shield you from the questions. My family won’t be interested in you if they see me first. Trust me.”

Cas took a sip of his hot chocolate. “Fine, I guess you got bumped to my personal protector, Dean Winchester.”

Dean bowed down, mockingly. “My pleasure.”


	4. Chapter 4

Charlie and John were setting the huge table when Dean walked in to the dining room. He could already smell the food a room over in the kitchen, and couldn’t help but wonder if there was pie in the works. Knowing Mary, he wouldn’t doubt it.

Folding his arms, Dean leaned on the doorway as he formed a smile. Being back with his family was one of the best feelings he’d come to know. He could hear the chatter and laughter in the living room as the sun began to set. Dean could hear Bobby telling everyone about his camping trip with Jody and their kids and how they’d stumbled upon a bear. They were scared out of their minds, but Bobby chased him off with a stick. The man was crazy as hell.

Dean was staring at the table, distracted by the background voices, when Charlie wrapped her arms around his waist. Dean was caught by surprise, and he hugged her back, real tight. There was nothing better than unexpected hugs.

“Have you been enjoying yourself so far, Charlie?” Dean ran his fingers through her red hair, bending down to kiss his daughter’s forehead.

Charlie looked up at Dean, nodding. “Have you?”

“Of course I have. I’d missed the family,” Dean said, staring up at John, who was still busying himself at the table. John had never been an affectionate father, but he’d been a good one. Dean wanted to be the best dad to his two daughters, but there were times when he felt defeated.

As though she could read his mind, Charlie squeezed her arms tighter around him. “I love you so much, daddy.”

Dean smiled. “I love you, sweetheart.”

Someone bumped shoulders with Dean, walking in to the room. It was Sam, wearing a black Stetson. Dean blinked at him for a few seconds before laughing breathlessly.

Sam waited for Dean to compose himself with a smirk. “Don’t I look handsome?”

Dean turned Charlie around so she could look at her uncle, and she giggled. “You look like a real cowboy, Sammy,” Dean said amusedly. “Where’d you even find that?”

“Cas brought it with him,” Sam said, tipping the hat in the front, looking mysterious. “He says he carries all sorts of props in his trunk for photo shoots. Cool, huh?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “If you say so.”

Sam turned to John, who was done with the table. “Dad, how do I look?”

“Like a moron in a hat,” John called back, snickering.

Sam waved him off, huffing out a breath. “I look good. I’m going to buy one for myself.”

Dean turned to Charlie, and they smiled at each other. “Send us some pictures. We’ll hang them up to scare off the spiders in the attic.”

Sam crouched down to mess up Charlie’s hair. “You don’t lie, Charlie. Tell me, do I look silly in this?”

“No, I like it. Cowboys are my favorite,” Charlie said.

Dean shook his head, knowing that was all on him. Sundays at his house were filled with old western films.

Moments later, everyone was gathered at the dinner table. Adam had forced Dean to sit down next to Cas, while Adam sat to his other side. He really was stuck on Dean getting to know his new catch, and Dean didn’t know how to say no to his little brother. Besides, Cas wasn’t bad company at all.

Somehow, the conversation had shifted over to Cas because his family didn’t seem to have enough of him. Cas was overly polite, and he didn’t seem bothered by the attack of questions. Dean turned to him, smiling pensively as Cas talked about his job and hobbies. Apparently, he could sing. Dean wondered what his voice would sound like singing a Bob Dylan song, or anything by the Rolling Stones.

“I can play piano,” Dean said after taking a sip of his homemade lemonade.

Cas turned to him, eyes wide in shock. “Can you really? You’re a man of many talents, aren’t you, Dean?”

Dean shrugged sheepishly, scraping his fork against his plate.

“Cas, what are you most afraid of?” Charlie asked, tilting her head to the side. She seemed genuinely curious. “I’m afraid of spiders and crawly things. Are you?”

Cas hummed, appearing to think hard on the answer. He looked very serious as he answered, “I am deathly afraid of falling.”

“Falling?” Charlie asked, confused.

“Yeah, I mean, all types of falling is scary. You could get seriously hurt.”

“I hear that,” Jody said. “Heights terrorize me.”

Cas grinned, locking eyes with Dean, quickly, before looking back at his plate. “Yeah, well, there are always risks in life. What’s one more?”

Adam laughed softly. “Don’t worry, Cas. You can drown me with your fears because I won’t let you sink alone anymore. That’s what I’m here for.”

Swallowing down hard, Dean stared around the room. _Holy fucking crap_. That was a line directly from _The Life of Kevin_. Adam was sweet talking Cas with Dean’s words? How long had this been going on?

Cas placed his hand on top of Adam’s on the table, and it made Dean feel sick. “He always knows exactly what to say.”

“It comes out naturally. You mean more to me than waking up to the sound of the rain,” Adam said, squeezing Castiel’s hand.

_Son of a bitch. That’s from my first novel._

Dean looked around the table, but his family seemed to be engaged in separate conversations, except for one person. Sam shifted in his chair, looking uncomfortable. He shook his head at Dean from across the table, and Dean glared back at him. How was he supposed to let this go? Those were Dean’s words, not Adam’s.

“Pie,” Dean said, trying to keep his anger under control. “Is there any pie, Mom? I’d really like some pie.”

Mary glanced at him, furrowing her brow. “Yes, it’s in the kitchen. Dean, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’ll be right back.” Dean got out of his seat, heading straight for the kitchen, but his feet led him right out the backdoor. The night was quiet, and he could hear the sound of the lake, despite the lack of waves. His family would be waiting for him, but Dean didn’t want to go back inside. It was one thing to accept that Castiel was completely out of reach, but this? This crossed all the lines. How could Adam do that, right in front of him? “Fuck,” Dean cursed at the wind.

When he went back in the kitchen, he could still hear everyone in the dining room, laughing and talking normally. He ignored the instant pang of betrayal and cut up a slice of pie, eating it alone on the kitchen counter.

He went back to the dining room when the table had cleared and he helped Jody and Bobby clean up the mess. As a family, they took turns with the chores around the house, switching it up every day. It wasn’t Dean’s turn to do this, but he needed a distraction.

That night, Dean went to check on his girls before going to bed. Emma and Charlie were staying in a room with Henry and Jesse—Sam’s boys. But when Dean pushed open the door, he saw Castiel and Jessica sitting on one of the beds, both smiling. The room was filled with the props Sam had mentioned earlier. Charlie was wearing the Stetson, and Henry had on a pair of sunglasses and a blue lightsaber. Emma was holding an expensive-looking camera, and Jesse was playing with a beach ball.

“Hey, Dean,” Jess said, catching the ball Jesse tossed her way. “Come on in. We were just getting the kids ready for bed.”

“That’s why I’m here, actually,” Dean said, narrowing his eyes on Emma. He’d given her a lot of space today. In fact, they hadn’t shared more than a few words. He really hoped Cas’ advice would work. “But these guys don’t look like they’re going to sleep any time soon.”

“That might be my fault,” Cas said with a shrug. “Emma asked if she could take a look at my camera, and I thought I’d just bring them all the toys I carry around. I don’t particularly need them anymore.”

Dean nodded, forcing his eye contact with Cas to stay to a minimum. He liked looking at their pretty blue color more than he wanted to admit. “Awfully nice of you, Cas.” Dean folded his arms. He watched Charlie skip around the room wearing the black hat and he smiled to himself.

“It was nothing,” Cas said.

Emma turned to Dean with the camera and snapped a picture with a blinding flash. “Gotcha!”

“Please delete that,” Dean said, suddenly mortified. That was Cas’ camera. “I think I blinked.”

Emma shook her head, smirking from the other side of the camera. “I need blackmail material. This will do just fine.”

Dean sighed. “Emma.”

His daughter said nothing else to him. She turned to Cas and Jess, taking a picture of both of them. “You know, you’re very photogenic, Cas. You too, Aunt Jess, but Cas comes out looking like a boss. Like a real boss, someone who’s in charge.”

Cas laughed and scratched the back of his neck. “I should probably try to dress more casual while I’m here.” He was probably right, but Dean wished he hadn’t noticed. After working out and showering, Cas had put on another black suit and his tan trench coat. It was a good look on him.

“Nah, I kind of dig the tax accountant look,” Emma said, returning the camera back to Cas. “Do me a favor and email me those pictures. Like I said, blackmail material.”

Immediately, Cas turned to Dean, asking him a silent question. Dean just nodded his approval, and Cas turned back to Emma. “I’ll send them your way as soon as I can.”

“Sweet. Thanks, Cas. You’re actually kind of cool.” Emma gave Cas an abrupt hug, leaving everyone as shocked as Dean felt. Emma wasn’t big on hugs, aside from birthdays and Christmas. This was big.

Cas and Jess both picked up the props and put them in a duffle bag. Dean tucked Charlie in bed as Jessica did the same with her boys. Emma was texting in bed, and Dean resisted the urge to ask who she could possibly be texting at this time at night, but he didn’t. Finally, they all exited the room, turning off the light behind them.

“That was weird,” Jess said, looking from Cas to Dean.

“Tell me about it,” Dean said, shaking his head.

“What what weird?” Cas asked.

“Are you kidding me? Emma hugged you!” Jess said.

Cas cocked his head to the side. “Yes, I’m aware. What’s your point?”

“She doesn’t do the hugging thing with people,” Dean explained. “Personal space issues.” Emma got that from Dean, of course.

Cas rolled his eyes at Dean. “That’s quite absurd.”

“Don’t believe us,” Jess said, turning and walking away. “I’m too tired to argue about this. Good night, boys.”

“’Night, Jess,” Dean and Cas said in unison.

Then there was just them two on the dimly lit hallway, while everyone else settled in their rooms to sleep. Dean looked away for a moment, trying to form a simple word of dismissal, but it seemed close to impossible. His fucking palms were sweating, for crying out loud.

“Sleep well, Dean,” Cas said, clearing his throat.

“Yeah, you too.” Dean lifted his eyes long enough to catch Cas’ sweet smile that reached his eyes. “See you tomorrow.”

Dean thought he heard Castiel’s name being called, most likely by Adam, and he started moving down the stairs before his brother came out of his room.

***

This morning, Dean didn’t miss breakfast with his family. He woke up just in time to see Castiel making pancakes in the kitchen, while Adam leaned on the counter watching his progress. Dean cleared his throat, in case he was interrupting something.

“Dean, guess what?” Adam said, smiling broadly. “Cas can actually cook!”

Cas laughed, flipping a pancake over. “Breakfast, mostly.”

“I thought you guys were living together...” Dean said slowly.

“Not yet,” Adam said, standing up straight. He walked behind Cas to open the fridge and poured himself a glass of milk. “But if it were up to me, we’d already have a house together.”

Cas frowned at his next pancake, and Dean walked closer in the room. “How long have you known each other?”

Adam took a long drink of his milk and set the glass down on the counter, wiping the milk from his upper lip. “I don’t know—two, three months?”

Dean narrowed his eyes on Cas. “And you didn’t know Cas could make breakfast?” Something about that just seemed odd.

“Well, it’s hard to have more than one meal together when I have to be at work most of the time,” Adam said, yawning and stretching. “Cas gets it. Don’t you, hon?”

Cas chewed on his bottom lip as he stacked the pancake on a large plate. “Yeah,” was all he answered.

Dean sighed, feeling sympathetic towards Cas. It hurt to see how oblivious Adam was about what his work life was doing to his relationship. Dean had barely met Cas, but he felt like he already knew him better. The man was unhappy about the mention of Adam’s absence, about something as simple as not being able to eat a meal together. Why couldn’t Adam remove his damn blindfold and see this?

It wasn’t Dean’s job to interfere, though, so he kept his mouth shut. After all, he was still pissed about his youngest brother stealing his words.

“I’m gonna go call everyone to the table. Be right back,” Adam said, heading to the lively living room.

Dean got comfortable on a high stool on the other side of the counter. He still felt half asleep, but the smell of pancakes had awoken his stomach. Cas smiled at him before he started humming a song. Dean leaned his elbows on the counter, and his chin in his hands, as he listened. He thought he recognized the song. Cas was humming “You Are My Sunshine.”

Dean didn’t comment on it, but sooner than later, he was mouthing the words to the familiar tune. Cas lifted his head, locking his crystal blue eyes with Dean. Before Dean knew it, they were singing.

“ _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away_ …”

When Cas had claimed to know how to sing, he wasn’t kidding. His voice was deep and strong, and it carried out with the melody of the song. Dean had stopped singing halfway through just so he could listen and smile.

His family had scurried off to the dining table, interrupting Castiel’s singing, but Dean had heard enough to keep him smiling. Neither of them said anything else, but Dean got up to join the table.

He noticed Emma was missing.

“She’s in the room,” Charlie said as soon as Dean asked. Dean thanked her before he went upstairs to find Emma.

The room was empty, but he heard the shower running and figured it was her. In that instant, he heard a vibration coming from the still open bedroom. Somewhat muffled underneath something. A pillow?

Dean went back in the room, searching for the sound. It had to be a cell phone. Finally, he lifted the mattress and found Emma’s cell phone. It was still vibrating, but it wasn’t a phone call. It was a set of long messages.

Dean was about to set the phone back down when he accidentally glanced at the latest text displayed on the screen. Something about seeing those words on his daughter’s cell phone didn’t sit right with him. Dean gaped at the cell phone in his hand as he fearfully opened up the entire conversation.

“Oh God, oh God, oh God.” Dean’s hands started shaking, and he thought his eyes were on fire. “Son of a bitch!”

Whoever “Trevor” was, he was filthy, and utterly repulsive. But that wasn’t the most shocking discovery Dean had made. Emma answered him with equally dirty things. What the hell was that girl thinking? Dean did not teach her those things.

“Fuck,” Dean said, gripping the phone as he ran downstairs. He paused at the head of the table, behind John, panting as his heart raced.

“Dean,” Sam said, “what the hell?”

“Help!” Dean called, lifting up the phone. “I need help, now! Major emergency. Single dad cannot deal with this kind of crap emergency.”

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Mary asked, getting out of her chair.

There were children in the room, and Dean felt wrong even holding his daughter’s phone. He shook his head and walked out of the house, towards the lake. He heard a couple footsteps behind him, and when he stopped and turned, he nearly bumped into Sam, Jess, Adam, and Cas.

“I didn’t need a whole army,” Dean said, but then thought about what he’d read and nodded. “Okay, yes I do. Just take this.” Dean handed the phone over to Sam, and watched as his brother’s face went from confused to understanding, and then to completely upset.

“What is it?” Jess asked, taking the phone from Sam’s hand. She passed it along, all the way down to Cas.

“Whoa, that was way more than I needed to know,” Adam said.

“Dean,” Cas said calmly, “this is clearly a violation of your daughter’s privacy.” He offered Dean back the phone, but Dean didn’t take it.

“It was an accident!” Dean said, folding his arms and glaring at the stupid phone in Castiel’s hand. “God, it’s like I don’t even know my daughter. What if she’s pregnant?”

“Don’t be stupid, Dean,” Jess said. “You can’t get pregnant from texting.”

“No, no, you obviously don’t get it, Jess,” Dean said, throwing his hands in the air. “If she’s doing this, thinking like this, what makes you think she’s not actually out there doing it? God knows if she even knows this guy.”

“Sounds to me like she really does,” Adam said.

Dean ran his hands through his hair, unable to keep them still. “What am I going to tell her when she comes downstairs? How am I going to face her now, after this? And I told her she couldn’t have a boyfriend until I met him, but she clearly doesn’t give a damn about my rules.”

“I sure feel glad I don’t have a daughter,” Sam said.

Dean groaned. “Sammy.”

“Okay, why don’t I go talk to her?” Jess suggested. “Would that make you feel better?”

“Yes, it would,” Dean acknowledged.

“Great, so let’s go back inside because I’m freezing.” Jess turned to Cas. “You’re coming with me, in case she gets violent.”

“Why me?” Cas asked.

“She hugged you, which means she doesn’t hate you. That’s more than I can say about anyone else here,” Jess said.

As they all walked back inside, Cas turned to Dean, narrowing his eyes. “You were supposed to give her space, not spy on her private conversations.”

“It was an accident,” Dean said, raising his eyebrows.

“Dean, accidents don’t happen accidentally,” Sam said.

Jess actually laughed, but she always laughed at Sam’s jokes, even when he didn’t know he was joking. “Come on, Cas, let’s gets this show on the road.”

Ten minutes later, Dean heard a skin crinkling shriek coming from upstairs, and Dean ran for it, grabbing his keys on the way out. Today more than ever, Dean was grateful for his family.


	5. Chapter 5

Dean’s conscience didn’t let him relax as he drove. This day had barely started, and it was already a miserable one. The only thing Dean could think of doing was driving with the music on the radio real loud. There wasn’t a destination, yet, but Dean continued driving, hoping to find one.

At a stop light, Dean looked to his right, finding a Dave’s market store. He remembered going there on weekly grocery trips with his mom when he was young, and the nostalgia settled in as he turned the corner and entered the parking lot.

On the way in, Dean grabbed a shopping cart. He was greeted by friendly customers, who were completely oblivious to the fact that Dean was the Worst Father of the Year, so Dean figured this was the safest place to be. Running away from his problems was a Winchester trademark no one could change. This was a good place to hide, he figured, as he walked up and down the aisles. 

He was hungry, so he grabbed all of the junk food he could get his hands on and dumped them in his cart. Dean’s phone started ringing from his front pocket, and Dean pulled it out, stopping in the cereal aisle. The call was from an unknown number, so he answered it, simply relieved that it wasn’t from home.

“Dean Winchester speaking,” he said, using his formal greeting.

“Why did you run? Coward,” an all-too familiar voice accused Dean over the phone, and Dean had to brace himself before replying.

“I am not a coward, _Castiel_. This is more than I can handle. You wouldn’t know anything about it since you’re not a father.”

“Ouch. Is that supposed to hurt me?” Cas snapped back.

“Why are you calling me and who gave you my number?” Dean demanded, glaring at the blissful tiger on the Frosted Flakes box in front of him. “What happened with Emma?”

There was a momentary silence on the other side of the line, long enough that Dean decided on a cereal and added it to his cart. “One question at a time, Dean. I’m not your assistant.”

Dean gave a hint of a smile, though he knew Cas couldn’t see it. “We’re not at the point of role play yet, anyway.”

“Stow it, Winchester,” Cas said, though he sounded a bit amused. “I volunteered to call you since no one else would. Emma locked herself in her room when she realized what had happened, right before leaving all of us momentarily deaf. Jess got her to let us in for five minutes. She didn’t tell us much, but she did give me a message for you.”

Dean winced and took a deep breath. “What’s the message?”

Cas cleared his throat, and when he spoke, his voice was high and squeaky. “I hate you so much, and I wish I was adopted.”

“Not bad. Nothing I haven’t heard before.” Dean hesitated before going on. “So, what’s the verdict? Should I pack up our things and move the family to Alaska?”

“God, no,” Cas said, quickly. “Don’t you think you’re overreacting? You’re ignoring the solution, Dean. Emma needs to be able to trust you if you want to fix your relationship with her. Don’t give her more reasons to do things behind your back. And you’re certainly not going to fix anything by walking out.”

Dean sighed shakily. He hated it when other people were right, especially Cas. But still, he seemed to always know the right thing to say. Cas gave Dean hope. Hope that there could still be light in the darkness he kept falling into. It was going to hurt like a bitch when Dean drove back home and Cas left with Adam. There was a slim chance they’d ever run into each other again.

“Dean?” someone asked from behind him. Dean turned around completely, finding a familiar face he’d long forgotten about. “Well I’ll be damned,” she said.

Cassie Robinson looked just as beautiful as Dean had last seen her. And just as then, Dean couldn’t find anything witty to say or much of anything at all. She was a thin girl with glowing dark skin, brown eyes, full, glossy lips, and reddish-brown curls.

“Dean? Were you even listening to me? I’m trying to help you here, Winchester,” Cas said over the phone, and Dean jumped, taken out of the moment.

“Yeah, I heard you, man. Listen, I got to go. I just ran into an old friend,” Dean said, offering Cassie his best smile.

“Okay?” Cas said slowly.

Dean ended the call and put his phone back in his pocket. He chuckled as he extended his hand, but Cassie pulled him in for a hug.

“It’s good to see you, Cassie,” Dean said, hugging her back before pulling away. “It has been far too long, hasn’t it?”

“More than two decades,” Cassie said, nodding and smiling. Dean remembered having loved that smile once. He had loved her deeply back then. “What are you doing back here?”

Dean smiled sheepishly. “I’ve been coming back here ever since I moved away. My family does an annual get-together back at my parents’ house. We usually go our own way when it comes to big holidays, so we always set this time aside. It’s funny how we never ran into each other again.”

Hand lingering on Dean’s arm, Cassie shrugged. “I heard about your wife. I’m really sorry. What was her name?”

“Lisa,” Dean said, letting the name slip out easily. It didn’t hurt as much as it used to.

Cassie removed her hand and pursed her lips. “How are you?”

Dean whistled, running a hand through his hair. “Good, yeah. I have two girls. They’re making me age faster, that’s for sure.”

Cassie laughed, giving Dean’s chest a flirtatious shove. “Oh, well, that’s what parenting must be like for all people. Not that I would know.”

Dean furrowed his brow. “No kids? I’m surprised.”

“Don’t be.” Cassie waved a hand in dismissal. “It’s not for everyone.”

“Yeah, I suppose it isn’t.” Dean folded his arms, pondering on that. Despite the constant headaches and struggles that being a parent gave him, he wouldn’t take it back for anything. Both of his girls meant more to him than his career. It was no surprise why he and Cassie hadn’t lasted, although that was not the reason for their breakup. Dean still hadn’t completely come to terms with the reason why he walked out on her, breaking both of their hearts in the process.

Dean had never meant to hurt anyone, not Cassie, and not that boy he met down at the lake. At the time, it wasn’t just the fact that he had found himself intensely making out with another boy that had made him feel so guilty, but that he had cheated on his girlfriend, the one he had come to love. Had it really been love if he’d gone to kiss another person?

His name was Benny. He wasn’t from around here. His dad was on some business trip. Dean was nineteen at the time, and he was still trying to figure himself out. He was going out with the prettiest girl in college, and nothing could ever go wrong. But then Dean started hanging out with Benny, and they formed a sort of attachment that later became a serious attraction. Dean had always known he was attracted to both genders, but he’d never acted on it.

Not until that afternoon. Benny’s dad had a boat, and they liked to go inside it and play poker until dark. Cassie also liked Benny, but she was kind enough to give Dean some “guy time.” Dean had not intended to end up on the floor with Benny, out of breath.

Dean had come clean to Cassie because he couldn’t bear the guilt. He told her he had kissed someone else, but he never told her who. She had been pissed off, but she forgave him in the end. Dean couldn’t look her in the eye without feeling the sting of his own betrayal, so he walked out. Like always. Running away from his problems.

He never heard from Benny again, and he never told anyone about what happened.

Years later, he’d met Lisa, fallen in love, and then lost her. Part of him felt he deserved it for what he’d screwed up in the past. Maybe _he_ ’d deserved it, but Emma and Charlie definitely did not.

“I would love to catch up with you,” Cassie said. “When do you leave?”

“The day after tomorrow,” Dean said, frowning. He figured after all these years, he owed Cassie the truth. This might be his only chance. “Are you free tonight?”

Cassie smiled widely, biting her lower lip. “As a matter of fact, I am. I’ll pick you up around eight?”

Dean nodded. “Eight sounds perfect. I’ll see you tonight, Cassie.” Dean leaned in for a goodbye hug and pushed his cart to an open lane.

***

“Hello?” Dean called out, gripping his heavy plastic bags as he entered the house. Most of his family was in the living room playing video games, board games, or charades. The atmosphere seemed less tense, but that changed as soon as they noticed Dean. “Who died?”

“You, probably,” Jody said. She was sitting cross-legged in front of the TV, abusing a remote control as she raced Jesse on a game. “Where’d you go?”

“Shopping,” Dean said, lifting his bags as evidence. “Anyone want to give me a hand? They’re heavy.”

Mary and John exchanged a look. They were on the couch, trying to guess Sam’s word. He was doing jumping jacks.

Jess got up from her game of Monopoly with Henry to take some of Dean’s bags. He noticed some people were missing, but didn’t ask for their whereabouts.

“Bobby took his kids fishing,” Jess said, setting Dean’s bags on the kitchen counter. “He’s a good dad.”

“As opposed to me?” Dean said with a faint smile.

“Dean—” Jess said.

“No, it’s fine. Where’s Emma?”

Jess sighed. “She’s still upstairs, locked in the room. Charlie tried to get her to come out, but she won’t. Charlie got tired of waiting, so she went to the back porch with Adam and Cas. They’re starting up the grill.”

“Grill? Are we having a barbeque?”

“Yeah, it was Adam’s idea. He said we needed a party. I think he’s setting up the old speakers out there.”

Dean emptied the bags when Jess went back to the living room. He’d eaten in his car before driving back, but he still bought more food than necessary. He figured his family would appreciate it. He also knew he needed to go talk to Emma, but he was dreading the moment.

Finally, he mustered the courage and went upstairs. The door was locked, but he knocked on it a few times.

“Emma, honey, please talk to me,” Dean said. “Look, I know I was wrong, but you’re not such an angel either. I know it’s hard for you to talk to me about this stuff, but I want to be there for you in everything.”

No answer.

“We’re having a party, I think,” Dean said, attempting the change of subject would make a difference. “We can forget about what happened. Come downstairs. You don’t want to be stuck in your room all day, do you?”

“I’ll come out if you stop speaking to me,” Emma said, voice muffled by the closed door between them.

“Fine,” Dean said. “Today you won’t hear another word from me. But tomorrow, we’re having a serious talk.”

“Gross,” she said, opening the door. Her eyes locked on him, furious. Dean blinked, aware of her resemblance to Lisa. “I’m just hungry.” She groaned, brushing past him to go downstairs.

Dean watched her go, letting out a tight breath he’d been holding.

***

The huge speakers blasted popular songs from the 90s, which was all the music they found in the basement. Adam made them choose between those and his indie music library in his iPod, to which they all opted for Cher, U2 and the Counting Crows.

On the grill, John had taken over watching the hot dogs and burgers as Adam excused himself after receiving a business call. The afternoon wasn’t all that cold, and his family looked like they were having a good time. Most of them had started a football game, but Dean wasn’t into that sort of thing, so he sat on a chair on the porch and stared at the lake.

Dean laughed when Charlie tackled Henry to the ground, keeping him from reaching the football to the mark. _That’s my girl_.

Cas walked out of the house, looking more annoyed than Dean had ever seen him. He really had taken to dressing casually. In place of his trench coat, Cas was wearing a green hoodie and blue jeans. Cas buried his hangs in the hood of his sweatshirt and flopped on the chair beside Dean.

“You okay?” Dean asked, placing his cold hand behind his neck.

“I’m peachy,” Cas deadpanned, staring at Dean with a blank expression. “And I want to murder your brother.”

Dean laughed. “Why?”

“It was his idea to do all this, and now he won’t come out. That job of his consumes him.”

“I didn’t think being a salesman would be so demanding,” Dean said with a shrug.

“He’s obsessed with work,” Cas said, shaking his head. “I swear, sometimes I think that’s all he cares about.”

Dean snorted. “I’m sure that’s not true.”

“Who did you ran into today?” Cas asked abruptly. His blue gaze was fixed on Dean’s, lit up by a curiosity Dean hadn’t expected.

“An old friend, I told you,” Dean said. “Well, an ex-girlfriend. Cassie.”

“You’re kidding. Cassie? Did you call her Cas too?”

“No,” Dean said, confused. “What’s with the twenty questions?”

Cas looked down, frowning at his sneakers. “I was intrigued. You hung up without saying goodbye. Was I interrupting your little reunion?”

“Oh, come on, Cas! You’re being ridiculous.” Dean restrained his laughter, but honestly, this was amusing. If he didn’t know any better, he’d swear Cas was jealous.

“Am I?” Cas asked, looking back in his eyes. He looked a little sad, if anything. Dean didn’t know if it was because of Adam, or him.

“Yeah, you are. Why do you care?”

“I don’t,” Cas said, sounding far too defensive.

“You do, but you don’t have to admit it,” Dean said easily. “I don’t blame you. It must be tough being in your place. I’ll just try to make myself less attractive.”

Cas threw his head back in laughter. “You don’t quit, do you?”

Dean smiled, slouching in his chair. “I’m just messing with you. He’s my brother. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him.” He let the words hang between them for a moment. “As much as it hurts me.”

Cas just nodded, looking away again. The minutes ticked by with nothing but the music in the background. Dean wanted to say something else, to make things less uncomfortable between them. If they couldn’t be anything more, they should at least be friends.

“So, I’m going to see Cassie tonight,” Dean said.

“Are you really?” Cas asked, squinting at him. “What time?”

“She’s picking me up at eight,” Dean said. “Should be nice. I was too young when I dated her. But she brings back good memories.” Mostly.

 “I—uh—was thinking of going out tonight. With Adam, of course. Maybe we could double date?”

Dean hummed, glancing over at Cas, who looked a little nervous. Part of Dean wanted to believe that Cas really was jealous, but even if that were true, it wouldn’t help anybody. “Yeah, sure. I mean, if you can get Adam off the phone, be my guest.”

“Oh he’s getting off the phone,” Cas promised. “I can’t wait to meet her.”

Dean chuckled, lifting an eyebrow. “Why is that, Cas?”

Cas opened his mouth, but closed it quickly. He swallowed and licked his lips. “Just curious about your past.”

“My past?”

“Yes, your past. I find you, all of you, extremely interesting. I’m halfway through your book, and it’s extraordinary. From the moment I met you, I haven’t stopped wondering about you.”

Dean smiled, feeling a wave of warmth settling in his chest. “I’m glad you don’t find me boring.”

“Boring?” Cas barked a laugh. “Dean you are the most fascinating person I have ever met.”

The music had picked up as the sun started to set. Dean was still gaping at Cas when he started bouncing his knees to the beat of a song. He was on his feet seconds later, tipping his head over to the back lawn, a silent invitation for a dance.

Cas shook his head with a smile, but Dean reached for his wrist and pulled him up. “You’re crazy.”

“I thought I was fascinating,” Dean said, guiding Cas to the lawn, a few feet from the ongoing football game. Dean let Cas go as he started dancing to the beat, and Cas watched him. “Come on, if you dance with me, I won’t embarrass myself.”

Cas rolled his eyes, but then his hips started shaking slowly. Dean watched his every movement, and he didn’t think Cas realized how sensual he was being. The way he moved from side to side, back and forth, the little pattern he made with his feet, his bouncing shoulder. It was intoxicating.

In that moment, as they danced and laughed together, it occurred to Dean that Cas made him very happy. He couldn’t remember a time when he’d laughed this much. Not only that, but every time Cas listened to him, provided him with advice, Dean regained a bit of his sanity. He felt a portion of the weight on his shoulders being lifted. It was as though he no longer had to deal with his personal problems alone. And he hadn’t. Not with his family around. Not with Cas.

When Cas gave a full spin and nearly stumbled with his feet, Dean grabbed his hands to stabilize him. He pretended he hadn’t realized their hands were laced together as they continued dancing. And when they both spun around and collapsed on top of each other, Dean allowed himself to linger just a little bit on top of Cas, before rolling away and laughing at the darkening sky.


	6. Chapter 6

“Daddy?”

“Yes, Charlie?” The short redhead joined Dean in the kitchen where he’d retreated for another piece of cherry pie. His family’s laughter and old music filled the room before the door closed again, with Charlie leaning against it.

“Why were you flirting with Castiel?” she said, deadpan.

Dean stilled, gripping the full plate in his hands. “ _Flirting_? Me? With Castiel?” he huffed.

Charlie narrowed her eyes, skipping forward. “I saw you two dancing.”

“Dancing does not mean flirting,” Dean said, wagging a finger in front of her. “You know Cas is with Uncle Adam. I’d never flirt with my brother’s boyfriend.” He swallowed hard.

Charlie batted her eyelashes, standing a couple feet away from Dean. She had long, beautiful lashes. “Well, do you think he’s pretty?”

“Honey, where is all this coming from?” Dean asked, tilting his head. “Did Emma say something in front of you?”

“No,” Charlie assured, “She doesn’t want me around.”

Dean decided not to dwell on that. “So why are you asking me?”

Charlie shrugged. “Why are _you_ not answering _me_?”

Dean stared at her, at a complete loss for words. Then she arched an eyebrow, defiantly. “Alright, fine. Cas is a good-looking man. You happy?”

“Are _you_ happy?”

Dean rolled his eyes. He set his plate back on the counter and knelt down. Dean pulled Charlie closer by her shoulders. “Sweetheart, you and your sister make me happy every day. You don’t have to worry about me so much. I’d tell you if something was wrong.”

“Really?”

“Really,” Dean promised. When Charlie smiled, satisfied, Dean cleared his throat. “I actually have a date tonight.”

Charlie’s eyes widened. “With Castiel?”

“Oh God. You’re making this very difficult on me, honey. Uncle Adam and Castiel are coming along, but my date is with a woman you’ve never met before. Her name is…Cassie.”

Charlie busted out laughing. She covered her mouth with her hands. Dean nodded, waiting for her to calm down. “So, you like Cassie, but not Cas?”

“Charlie, you’re going to get me in trouble.” Charlie giggled. “I still have some time before Cassie comes over. Why don’t we split this slice of pie?”

“Okay,” Charlie agreed. They settled on a couple stools behind the counter as they ate the pie. The subject never came up again, but Dean’s nerves went through the roof.

Just as they finished emptying their plate, Mary walked in the house. She was beaming. “Dean, Charlie, what are you doing in here? Come outside. Sam’s leading a conga line.”

“My daddy has a date,” Charlie said enthusiastically.

“A date? Oh my. Dean, did you call the bookstore man?”

“No, Mom,” Dean said, shifting in his seat. “I’m seeing Cassie again tonight.”

“What bookstore man?” Charlie wondered.

“Cassie, huh? Every time I see her she asks about you.” Mary hummed in thought.

Dean stood up. He glanced down at Charlie, who was waiting for an answer. “I’ll tell you about it tomorrow. I have to go change.”

Charlie frowned. “But, Dad—”

Mary stalked forward and wrapped her arms around Charlie. She leaned in to kiss her cheek, and Charlie smiled. “Come outside with me and keep me company. Do you like scary stories? I have a few to tell.”

Charlie nodded. “I love scary stories and all of the monsters.”

Dean smiled at them before he turned and headed for the basement.

***

Tonight wasn’t exactly a date, but Dean still dressed accordingly. He put on dark jeans, a white dress shirt, and a black blazer. It was the best he could do with the clothes he brought for the weekend.

Upstairs, the house was mostly quiet since everyone was still in the backyard. Dean checked the time in his phone. He still had fifteen minutes until Cassie arrived. He stood in front of the mirror in the hallway, messing with his short hair.

“Looking good.”

Dean turned around, blinking at Cas. The other man had ditched the suit and trench coat in favor of black slacks, and a light blue shirt that had the top two buttons undone. Cas had his hands in his pockets, and when he stepped closer, Dean could smell his cologne.

“You too,” Dean said, his throat feeling dry.

Cas smirked, which was something Dean hadn’t seen him do often. Dean stared into his eyes, unflinching. Neither of the two moved for a while, doing nothing but gaze at each other. When Dean’s phone rang, Dean jumped slightly.

“Adam!” Cas called as Dean answered the call.

Cassie was right outside. Dean considered bringing her in, but his family would only interrogate her. Dean glanced at Cas one last time before Adam descended the stairs. Dean’s little brother was the most casual, wearing a blue jeans and a plaid shirt.

“Ready?” Adam asked, staring at the two. “Unless you want to go without me.”

Cas rolled his eyes, heading to the door.

“I was kidding,” Adam said, looking helplessly to Dean. “What’s his problem?”

Dean shrugged, offering no suggestions.

“This is the same Cassie you dated back in the day?” Adam asked, elbowing Dean on the ribs.

“The same one,” Dean said, trailing behind Cas. Adam was the last one out the door, so he locked it on his way out.

Cassie was sitting behind the wheel of a shiny red Mustang. She had been expecting Cas and Adam, so the introduction was short. They both climbed in the back, and Dean rode shotgun. Cassie had on a matching scarlet dress.

“Where should we go?” Cassie asked out loud. “Oh, how about that bar we used to sneak into, Dean?”

“The Roadhouse?” Dean said.

“That’s the one,” she said, glancing back at Cas and Adam. “You guys want to go there?”

“Yeah, sure, sounds fun,” Adam said, wrapping an arm around Cas.

Dean tried to remember to smile.

***

The Roadhouse was just as he remembered it. With the stench of beer and the jukebox in the corner. They were able to find an empty table and they ordered their first round of beers. Dean had Cas right across from him, and he was doing his best not to stare.

“I can’t believe this place still looks the same,” Dean said, glancing around. There wasn’t much to look at, but it still brought back memories. Whenever he came home, the last place he thought of visiting was a bar. He wasn’t much of a drinker.

“Oh, if these walls could talk,” Cassie said, grinning. She took a deep breath as she looked at Dean. “I’m really glad I ran into you today, Dean. I’ve missed you. I’ve been reading your books.”

Dean lifted his eyebrows. “Seriously? I don’t know what to say.”

“They’re so touching,” Cassie said, turning to Cas and Adam. “Back me up here, you guys.”

“My brother’s a genius,” Adam said earnestly. “No doubt about that.”

Cas smiled crookedly. “I’ve just started them, but I agree. Dean has a way with words.”

Dean really didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t expecting to be the center of their conversation. “Oh, come on, guys, you don’t have to kiss my ass. Next round of beers is on me.” Everyone at the table grinned at him, but Dean focused on Cassie. “So, how have you been?”

“Great. Single, but great.” Cassie laughed, nudging Dean. He took a swig of his beer.

Cas cleared his throat, leaning forward. “I understand that you two used to date.”

“Oh, yeah, a million years ago,” Cassie said. “Did Dean ever say why he broke it off?”

Adam shook his head. “No, but I do remember him running away after that.”

“I didn’t run away,” Dean said. “If I had, I wouldn’t have come back.”

Cassie shushed him. “I bet he just doesn’t want me to tell you what happened.”

“What happened?” Cas asked, tilting his head.

There wasn’t any weight in her words. She clearly hadn’t dwelled on it, but Dean still felt like crap about it. “I cheated on Cassie,” Dean admitted, eyes flickering from Cassie to Cas to Adam. “It was wrong, and I was a dick.”

“Eh, it’s in the past,” Cassie said, waving a hand.

“Sometimes you’re with the wrong person without being aware of it,” Cas said, gripping his beer bottle. “And you find out too late.”

“Hell, I’m glad I don’t have to worry about that.” Adam wrapped his arm around Cas again, pulling him closer. “Cas and I are perfect for each other.”

Cas cleared his throat, glancing at his beer. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

Dean held his breath for a moment. “Cas is right, though. What if you’re already with someone, but you form a connection with another person?” Cas looked up, locking eyes with Dean.

Adam let go of Cas and took hold of his own beer. “Well, then, I guess it’s better to break up than to be unfaithful.” Adam frowned, glancing at the three of them. “This is getting depressing.”

Cassie laughed, sipping her beer. “Adam’s right. Why don’t we let the past stay in the past and just enjoy this night together?” She wrapped an arm around Dean, tugging him closer. Her lips came close to his ear and she whispered, “Let’s go for a drive after we drop them off.”

Licking his lips, Dean nodded and pulled back. His gaze darted back to Cas across the table, who scowled at him with folded arms. Dean didn’t think Cas had overheard that, but he was still obviously in a bad mood. Adam seemed oblivious as he nodded his head to the background music from the jukebox.

They ordered another round of beers and made small talk. Occasionally, Cas would ask Cassie about her job, her pastimes, her favorite movies. Dean didn’t know what Cas would gain from that, but he decided to let it slide.

Cassie downed the last of her beer and wrapped an arm around Dean. She was a little tipsy, and it made Dean smile. “Wow, I think we should call it a night. One more beer and I could be a danger on the road.”

“Yeah, it’s getting late,” Cas agreed, checking his watch.

“It’s not even eleven,” Adam complained. “You people make me feel so young.”

Dean quirked up his lips, leaning forward on the table. “That’s because you are. Get used to it.”

Back in the car, Cassie turned on the radio and sang along to the various pop songs that Dean could never keep up with. She kept bouncing her shoulders and laughing, and it made Dean feel considerably better. She felt comfortable around him. Throughout his life, Dean couldn’t bear the thought of this woman, thinking she’d always hated his guts. Seeing Cassie this way lifted a weight off his shoulders he’d been carrying too long.

Once they arrived, Cas and Adam climbed out of the Mustang, and Dean watched them go from his seat.

“Dean?” Cas said, turning around. “Are you too drunk to move? Do you need me to give you a hand?”

Dean shook his head. “Cassie and I are going to go for a drive. Have a good night.”

Cas gaped at Dean, a mixture of betrayal and hurt flashed on his face, and he did nothing to hide it. He seemed to have stopped breathing. Dean was tempted to ditch everything and get out of the car just to make things better with Cas, but he had to do this.

Adam chuckled. “Have fun. Don’t do anything I would do.”

“We can’t make any promises,” Cassie said loudly, nearly shouting over the music she had just turned up louder on the radio.

Adam started walking away, but Cas remained motionless in the driveway, arms hanging loose on his sides, and a huge frown on his face. He looked so lost for a moment. The reaction affected Dean more than he let on, but it also made him angry. This could be so simple if either of them came out with the truth, but it seemed like they had both decided to pretend everything was fine.

They were bound to be hurt that way.

After Cassie drove for a good ten minutes, the music in the car was turned down significantly. She turned to look at him briefly. “You okay, Dean? You look like you just saw your puppy die.”

“Can you pull over, please?” Dean asked, bracing himself on his seat.

Cassie did. She turned off the engine, but left the radio on, the volume was low and it hummed in his ears. “Are you still thinking about the past, Dean? Because if you are, then I suggest you get over it and move on. I did, and I’ve never been happier.”

Dean sighed. He turned to face her, but her eyes were shadowed by the night. “A few days ago, I would have told you that yes, I was stuck in the past. I couldn’t let go of the memory of my wife, and I couldn’t see a way to ever move past that. But then something changed. I met someone who made me question everything about myself. And now I’m worse than how I started.”

“What do you mean? Who are you talking about, Dean? Shit, are you seeing someone? I don’t want to be the other girl this time.”

“You’re not, Cassie,” Dean assured her. “I’m not seeing anyone. Before I tell you anything else, I want you to know something. I kept this from you back then because I was afraid. And ashamed. I’m not anymore. I’m a forty year old dad, who lost my beloved wife nearly seven years ago. I don’t have the privilege of lying to myself, or to anyone else, for that matter. If anything, I want to make amends.”

Cassie nodded slowly. “I’m listening. Go on.”

Dean felt his chest tightening. He took a shaky breath and wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans. “You remember Benny Lafitte? Guy used to get his dad to buy us beer when we couldn’t get any at the Roadhouse.”

Cassie grinned, nodding her head. “Yeah, Benny was great. I saw him a couple other times over the years. Last I saw him he told me he got married. To a man.”

Dean raised a brow. “Really?”

“M-hm. He looked very happy. He even showed me a picture of his spouse. I don’t know about you, but I never saw that coming.”

“I did,” Dean said softly.

“Now that I think about it, didn’t you two spend a lot of time together? You used to love getting on that boat and playing cards with him.”

“Cassie, when I told you I kissed someone while we were together, it was Benny,” Dean spit it out, quickly, before he chickened out. Cassie deserved to know the truth, even all these years later. “I didn’t realize how much I liked him until that day. We didn’t get very far because I knew it was wrong. I never even saw him again. I should have told you when it happened, but fuck, I was afraid.”

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence between them. Cassie didn’t take her eyes off Dean, and she hardly even blinked. Her lips were pressed into a tight line, but it was too dark to read her facial expression.

“Why were you afraid?” Cassie mumbled.

Dean lifted a stiff shoulder. “I wasn’t prepared to deal with the consequences. I was young and stupid. I ran because that’s all I know how to do. I hid a part of myself for so many years, but I’m so tired of hiding.”

Cassie nodded. Her lips quirked up. “So, who did you meet? Who is this person that is helping you move forward again?”

“I probably shouldn’t say,” Dean admitted, looking at his clammy hands. “You’ll think I’m insane.”

“No I won’t. You act like you don’t know me.” Cassie reached with her hand to hold Dean’s chin and tilt it toward her. She gave him a comforting smile. “Babe, you were my friend before anything else. I resented you for stepping out of my life for so long. I forgave you for that. And I just need you to promise me you won’t be a stranger. I want you to trust me like you used to. God, Dean, if it bothered you so much that you were into another dude, you should have talked to _me_ about it. I wouldn’t have judged you. I would have helped you. I still will.”

Removing his seatbelt, Dean pushed forward and wrapped his arms around Cassie, holding her tight. His hands gripped her back and he hid his face in her neck. Her familiar scent brought a nostalgia to Dean, and he soaked it all in.

Good friends were hard to find, and Dean was frozen with the realization that he had let go of the best one.

Cassie pressed her lips to Dean’s head and Dean chuckled. “Come on, big baby, stop stalling and tell me about this mystery man.”

Dean pulled back, locking eyes with Cassie once again. “It’s Castiel. My brother’s boyfriend.”

Cassie didn’t look as shocked or scandalized as Dean had assumed. “So it wasn’t the alcohol.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. I thought I was too drunk when I started noticing the looks you two were giving each other.” Cassie stared out the windshield into the night as she spoke. The road was empty and quiet. “It was like you wanted to kiss him and he wanted to kiss you, and even though you were a few feet away, you couldn’t reach each other.”

“You got all that from a few looks?” Dean asked, astounded.

“Maybe I was too drunk,” Cassie said, turning to Dean and laughing. “But I did notice something going on. Something I’m assuming your brother is unaware of. He’s kind of all over the place, isn’t he?”

“It’s awful, Cassie,” Dean said, with clear desperation. “I met Cas before I even knew he was with Adam. It’s been two days, and I can’t stop thinking about him. The fact that he’s right under my nose isn’t helping either. He just crawled under my skin. And I know that it’s wrong to feel this way, but hell, I’m indulging every moment of it. He makes me laugh, you know, and he’s kind and quiet but when we talk I feel like we could go on and on. He’s also great with my girls, and I can’t help but hope for a future that I know I can’t have. I mean, he’s with my brother. I’m sick.”

Cassie shook her head, opening her arms for Dean to crawl back in for a hug. Dean did gladly. “You’re not sick. You’re just in a big, tangled mess. But you know what you have to do, don’t you?”

“No idea,” Dean mumbled, his words sounded muffled.

Cassie swatted Dean’s back and pulled him away, holding his shoulders firmly. “You have to be honest, Dean! Come clean with Adam and the rest of your family. It doesn’t look like Cas is going to do that anytime soon, so it’s on you. Only then will you have a real shot with Cas.”

“See, that’s the problem, Cassie,” Dean said, frowning. “If Cas cared about me the same way I care about him, he would say something. He would tell Adam, tell me, tell someone. But he hasn’t. What am I going to gain if I tell my brother what I feel for Cas if Cas doesn’t want anything to do with me?”

“I get why you’re scared. I just didn’t think you were such a coward.”

Dean rolled his eyes. He’d been called a coward twice in one day, and it did not sit right with him. “I’ll think about it.”

“Alright,” Cassie said. She set her hands back on the steering wheel and started the car. “I’m taking you back home now, because I’m sleepy. Danger on the road and all.”

Dean yawned. “I could use some sleep.”

Cassie turned to give him a soft glance before she back got on the road. “You better stay in touch, you bastard,” she mumbled.

“I will,” Dean said. “I promise.”


	7. Chapter 7

The smell of coffee and pancakes drove Dean to the kitchen in the morning. His mouth tasted of minty toothpaste, his face was washed and dry, and his hair…well, his hair was still not brushed, but he was with family so he wasn’t here to impress anybody.

He was glad to see that everyone was already sitting at the table, even though Cas was in front of the stove making pancakes. Dean greeted them briefly before he headed behind Cas to pour himself a cup of coffee.

“Hey, Dean, I didn’t even hear when you got home last night,” Adam said. “You lucky dog.”

Dean filled his mug and added some cream and sugar, holding back a smile. “Oh, yeah, I’m the luckiest dude in this room.”

Behind him, Cas made a grunting noise of discomfort. When Dean turned, the other man didn’t say a thing, so Dean shrugged it off.

“Well, sweetheart,” Mary called. “I’m just delighted to see you so happy this morning. Cassie was always a sweet girl.”

Dean turned around, taking a careful sip of his coffee. He went to stand beside Cas, who had his head bowed, eyes fixed on his work. “Yeah, Cassie and I are going to stay in touch from now on. Maybe I’ll swing by more often to see her.”

Cas gave a sad laugh that was quickly turned into a cough. “Sorry,” he mumbled, flipping a pancake over onto a clean plate. It was burned. “This one’s for you.” Cas slid the plate over to Dean, and when Dean looked up, Cas was staring at him with a frown and inscrutable blue eyes. Something was bothering him, but he wasn’t going to come out and admit it.

Dean sighed. “Pancake’s a little too burned for my taste, Cas.”

Slowly, Cas formed a tight smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Why don’t you go ask your old friend to make you a nice set of banana pancakes, then?” His voice was barely more than a whisper. Cas turned away from him and continued working.

“Come on, Dean, tell us more about your awesome date last night,” Jess said. “Adam said Cassie seemed like she was really into you.”

“I don’t know if I buy this whole thing,” Sam said, chewing on his food. “Two days ago, Dean said he met someone at the bookstore he was very interested in, and now he’s going out with an old girlfriend? I know that I was opposed to the idea of Bookstore Man, but Dean, what happened?”

Dean felt all sorts of tension in his side of the room, from both him and Cas. The other man’s shoulders clenched and he bit on his bottom lip. Dean considered telling his brother the whole truth, telling his entire family the truth. But the look on Castiel’s face, that look of doom, made Dean question his decision. It wasn’t just his secret to spill, and Cas was obviously reluctant.

“I guess I realized it was a waste of time to go after an impossible,” Dean said softly, trying hard not to look to his side. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Wait, Dad, you like a married guy?” Emma said, dropping her fork on her plate and rising from her chair.

Dean swallowed, but he was unable to look away. “He’s not married. He’s in a…committed relationship.” He wasn’t sure that was right, but that was the lie Cas and Adam were living in.

Emma gasped, covering her lips with a hand. “Oh, Dad, I’m so sorry. First of all, why didn’t anyone tell me about this? I have a gay dad. How modern. Second of all, we need to solve this issue ASAP.” Emma picked up her plate and orange juice and walked up to Dean. “Grab your breakfast and follow me outside. We need to discuss this in depth.”

“What?” Dean stared around the room, but everyone looked as confused.

“Hurry up, I don’t have all day,” Emma said. She smiled. “I’m lying. I’d give up my entire day to help you. This is my favorite topic. Love drama. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve counseled and ultimately hooked up. I’ll be out in the deck when you’re ready, Dad.”

And just like that, Emma was gone, and Dean was still trying to process what had happened.

***

“Okay, let me get this straight,” Emma said, holding up a hand and leaning forward on her chair. “This man you like, is he attractive? Or is this simply just an emotional connection? Because I can work with both.”

“Emma, this is really strange,” Dean muttered, sipping his coffee.

“Why? I’m your daughter. Trust is a two-way street, you know.”

Dean nodded. “You’re right. But I’ve gone over this plenty of times. It’s not that complicated. I like him, but he’s with someone else, which means he doesn’t feel the same way about me. Case closed. Let’s go inside.”

“No, wait a damn minute.” Emma leaned forward, tilting her chair to face Dean. She locked eyes with him and did not look away. “You’re not going to give up that easy, you hear me? You go and take what you want because nothing will be handed to you in a silver platter.”

Dean blinked, stunned. “Who told you that?”

A smile spread on Emma’s face. “Mom did. Who do you think helped me get my first boyfriend?”

“You had a boyfriend?” Dean nearly squealed. “You mean, you’ve _had_ boyfriends before?”

Emma arched an eyebrow, exhaling a breath. “Dad, I promise you I’m being totally careful.” She looked at her hands and studied her fingers. “I like this guy. I really do. And he’s really smart and funny and he told me he really wants to meet you.”

“Because he sounded _so_ charming over text,” Dean said bitterly.

Emma rolled her eyes and folded her arms. “Dad, you shouldn’t have read my private messages. We weren’t doing anything wrong. I’ve just missed him, and he’s missed me. I’ll invite him over for dinner when we get home, and I’ll let you interrogate him if you want.”

Dean chuckled, folding his arms. He didn’t realize they were both doing the same thing until he spoke. “Oh, I’ll definitely want to interrogate him. He’ll have to fill out an application, too.”

“Dad.”

“Don’t argue with me, young lady,” Dean teased, chewing off a grin. “Come here.” Dean spread out his arms, inviting Emma in. “You’ll hug Cas, but you won’t hug your own father?”

“Jealous much?” Emma said, going in for the hug. She wrapped her arms tightly around him and let herself be squished by her father. Dean couldn’t be happier. He kissed her cheek until she pushed him away. “You’re so slobbery. God. No more.”

Dean laughed. “Go steal me a couple more pancakes, would you?” Dean offered Emma his empty plate. “Cas gave me all the burned ones.”

Emma took the plate and scratched her head. “He’s been acting weird all morning. Have you noticed? Uncle Sam asked him about last night and Cas said no more than two words before he started making pancakes. It was my turn to make breakfast, but he said he’d take over. And then I heard him sniffling, but when I asked him, he said he had allergies. His eyes were all red.” She shrugged.

_Was Cas crying?_

Dean felt his chest compressing. He was angry, but he was also upset because he knew that Cas was acting this way because of him. Because that look in his eyes as Dean drove away with Cassie said everything.

***

It was almost noon and his family was scattered around the house. He was looking for Cas, but he didn’t want to make it that obvious. Adam was on another business call, so Dean knew the next best place to look was their bedroom. He knocked on it, but it was empty. He bumped into Jodie in the hallway on the second floor and he apologized a million times before she held him by his shoulders.

“What’s wrong, Dean? Spit it out,” she demanded. “You’ve been running around the house for a while.”

Dean licked his lips and shifted his feet. “Have you seen Cas?” he whispered.

Jodie nodded. “He’s in the bathroom. And if you want to go, you should tell him now because he said he was going to shower. Downstairs bathroom is broken.”

Dean nodded, his eyes lighting up. “Okay. Thanks, Jodie.”

Jodie grinned, patting his shoulder. “No problem. That’s what I’m here for.” And she stalked off.

Dean made his way to the bathroom, but instead of knocking on the door, he let himself in, closing the door behind him. Cas was in the middle of shaving in front of the sink.

“What the hell?” Cas complained, staring at him in the mirror.

“You are driving me nuts,” Dean muttered, stepping closer. Cas rolled his eyes and continued shaving. “Listen to me!”

“I am,” Cas said blankly. His face was clean and stubble-free when he turned around and faced Dean. He reached around Dean’s waist for a towel and dried himself.

“See?” Dean said, trying to control his voice. “You see? You have no boundaries. _We_ have no boundaries. You just touched me. You can’t touch me like that.”

Cas wrinkled his forehead in confusion. “I needed a towel.”

Dean lifted his arms, frustrated. “When are we going to end this? This fucking weird thing we have going on? Are you ever going to tell Adam? Am I allowed to tell him?”

“Dean, what do you want to tell you brother? That I touched your waist to get a towel? You came into the bathroom!”

Dean snorted. “You’re impossible. Are we still pretending nothing is going on? Are we just going to ignore what’s happening?”

Cas stepped closer, inches from Dean. His eyes had turned a shade darker, and they flickered from Dean’s eyes to his lips. “Tell me, Dean. What do you think is happening here? You don’t want to go after an impossible, right? Neither do I.”

“Is this because of Cassie? Fuck, Cas, you don’t know anything.” Dean stepped away, running a hand through his hair. “I’m fucking tired of being in this house with you. I hate feeling this way. Do you want me to be honest? Yeah, Cas, it hurts when I see you with him. It feels like a punch to the stomach. I don’t like it, but I’m dealing with it.” Dean leaned against the door. “What do you feel?”

Cas blinked at him, his chest heaving. “I—”

The knock on the door made both of them jump. “Cas? You in there?” It was Sam. “I know you’re about to shower, but I really got to take a piss. It’s cold outside. Other bathroom doesn’t work.”

“Shit,” Cas hissed, running over to the bathtub and turning on the shower. “I’m already in the shower,” he called out.

“I promise I won’t see you,” Sam said. “I just drank three glasses of orange juice. I don’t think the family wants me to pee in an empty bottle, or I’d try that.”

Cas stared at Dean, horrified. “Get in the shower,” Cas mumbled.

“What?” Dean asked, eyes widening.

“Get in the shower,” Cas said, pushing Dean in the tub. The water ran down Dean’s body, soaking his clothes against his skin. “Hang on a sec,” Cas called out to Sam.

Dean couldn’t believe his eyes when he realized what Cas was doing. He was undressing himself. His shirt came off, followed by his pants and then his boxers. Dean gaped at him, forcing his eyes to look anywhere but below his waist. Then Cas stepped in the tub in front of Dean, completely naked. He wasn’t even trying to cover up. He stood there with a hand on his hip and a hand on top of his head. Cas was standing on the other side of the tub, therefore he wasn’t getting any of the water.

“You can come in now,” Cas called, glancing at Dean. He pressed his index finger in front of his lips.

Dean heard Sam open the door. “Thanks, man,” Sam said. “I won’t be long.”

The water was hitting Dean’s head with pressure, but his vision wasn’t blurred enough not to see Castiel’s shaped torso in front of him. The man was lean, but he had plenty of muscle.

“Quit ogling me,” Cas whispered, squinting at Dean.

“Sorry,” Dean mouthed.

Cas smiled after a moment, stepping closer. “I’m cold,” he said. “I need water.”

Dean couldn’t move back anymore, so Cas stepped even closer, until they were both right under the shower spray—Dean clothed, and Cas in the nude. They were almost chest to chest, and Cas was staring right into Dean’s eyes. They were almost the same height. Dean was an inch taller, maybe.

“I’m done,” Sam announced. “Not going to flush for obvious reasons.”

“That’s fine,” Cas called.

“I’ll lock the door on my way out,” Sam said. Dean relaxed when he heard the door open and close.

Cas was still pressed close to Dean. “You’re going to have to get out through the window.”

“No.”

“Yes,” Cas said, laughing. “Try not to be seen.”

“Cas,” Dean warned, running a hand over his face, clearing away the water that was still running. “We’re on the second floor.”

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist, and Dean held his breath. Castiel’s hands were delicate as they held him, but then Cas lifted a bar of soap in one hand. “Just getting some soap. I _am_ taking a shower, after all.”

“Fucker,” Dean mumbled, closing his eyes.

“It’s clear down there,” Cas said. Dean opened his eyes and saw Cas staring out the window. “There’s a bush. You’ll land safely there. If not, here’s for the times we had.” Cas wrapped his hands around Dean’s neck, pulling him closer. Cas pressed his lips gently to Dean’s cheek, pressing his nose to his temple. He held him for a short moment before he stepped back. “Go.”

Dean nodded, sliding the window open. It was tall, so Cas had to help hoist him up to the windowsill. He felt a hand on the small of his back, and Dean jumped. The fall wasn’t that frightening when his mind was a dazed mess.

***

No one saw Dean hit the bush and roll on the grass, groaning in pain. It hadn’t been that bad, but his muscled ached all over. He felt like he’d been run over by a bus. Dean leaned up on his elbows, drench in water. He had no idea how he was going to sneak back inside the house without explaining his clothes.

He was already freezing. Sam was right, it was cold outside. Soon enough, he would turn into a Popsicle. Dean got on his feet and headed inside the house.

Everyone in the living area turned to him when they saw him.

“I fell in the lake,” Dean said, holding up both hands. “Don’t slow me down. I need to get to my room and get out of these clothes.”

That seemed to work. No one stopped him to ask him questions, and Dean marched all the way to the basement, leaving a wet trail behind. John was already reaching for the mop.

***

Once dry, Dean went back upstairs. He heard singing coming from a room. He followed the soft sound. He knew that voice. When he reached the room, he noticed Charlie standing in the middle of the living room, holding up a paper and singing to Cas, who was on the couch. Fully dressed.

He felt like he was intruding, but when Cas saw him, he waved a hand, inviting him in. Dean walked into the room, heading to the large black piano sitting there. No one in his family knew how to play, expect for Dean. And the only reason he learned was because his grandparents gave the piano to his dad. Dean didn’t think a thing of such beauty should go to waste, so he took private lessons until he could play well enough for his own ears.

Charlie was singing “Part of Your World,” which was one of her favorite songs. Dean waited for the beginning of the next verse to play the piano. Charlie smiled as the keys matched her voice and she tried singing louder.

She finished and did a little curtsy at Cas before she turned to Dean, expectantly. “How was it?”

“You were amazing, Charlie. That was great!” Dean said.

“I know,” Charlie said, smiling widely. “Cas told me he would teach me to sing better. I’m going to sing this song tonight in front of everyone. Grandma set up a talent show all for me.”

“Talent show?” Dean raised an eyebrow. “Well, I’m sure you’ll be the best one there.”

“I know,” Charlie repeated.

“You really were fantastic,” Cas said. “Do you want to go over it again or do you feel ready?”

Charlie seemed to ponder that. “I think I can handle it. I’m going to go tell Grandma.”

“Where did they all go?” Dean asked, but Charlie was already out the back door.

Cas shrugged. “I think they went to the store to get things for the show. Charlie tells me this is serious business.”

Dean laughed. “My mom does this sort of thing all the time. I missed that.”

“Well, you have a very talented daughter, Dean.” Cas approached him, leaning against the piano. “She must get it from you.”

Dean felt his face going warm and he glanced at his hands on the black and white keys. “We never finished our conversation.”

Cas took a deep breath. “Play something. I’ll sing.”

“What?” Dean turned to Cas, confused. Cas was pleading with him to change the subject. He obviously didn’t want to continue what they started. He wasn’t ready to tell Dean how he felt. Dean understood that. This was a hard situation for both of them. “Okay,” Dean finally agreed.

Cas cleared his throat, smiled, and started singing the same song they sang in the kitchen before.

Dean heard his familiar ringtone and he reached in his pocket. He was lucky that he didn’t have any pockets in his clothes earlier, so his phone had been saved from the shower incident. Dean answered the call from his agent.

“Hey, Garth. How are you?”

Cas came to sit next to Dean, scooting him over.

“Dean, how’s the family?” Garth asked. He was giggling. “I can’t play dumb anymore. I’ll just come out and say it. _The Life of Kevin_ has officially gone into production. Casting starts in one week, and they want you to be as involved as possible. This is happening, baby.”

“Holy crap.” Dean turned to Cas, and Dean didn’t know what to do. “I’m surprised, to say the least. This is amazing.”

“You bet it is,” Garth said. “You’re going to see your characters come to life.”

“Thanks for calling, Garth,” Dean said. His throat felt dry, and he felt he needed to really process the news. “I’ll call you back when I get home, alright? Thanks again.”

“Enjoy your family, Dean. I’m sure they’ll be happy for you.”

Dean ended the call, turning to Cas again.

“Who was that? What did they say?” Cas asked, tilting his head.

“My book is going to be a movie,” Dean said. “It’s happening. It’s actually happening.”

Cas smiled, wrapping Dean in his arms, unexpectedly. Dean loosened his stiff arms and hugged Cas back. Cas squeezed him before letting him go. But even then, he held his face in his hands. “I’m proud of you, Dean. You deserve this and so much more.”

“Cas,” Dean breathed.

“Forgive me,” Cas said, removing his hands.

“Why?”

“Because you don’t deserve the shit I’ve put you through,” Cas murmured. “You don’t deserve to care for someone like me.”

“Cas—”

Cas got up and took a few steps back. “I have to go find Adam.”

And Dean had no way of arguing with that.


	8. Chapter 8

The backyard looked beautiful. The deck was filled with white lights illuminating it all around. There were bright, neon posters and even a red carpet rolled out on the wooden floor. When Mary set her mind to do something, she didn’t half-ass it.

The stage was the deck, and the audience had to huddle together on the blankets laid out on the cool grass. It was a cool night, but Dean was wearing a warm jacket, and so was everyone else.

Emma decided to sit next to Dean to cheer for her little sister who was up next.

“Dad?” Emma elbowed Dean on the ribs. “Have you thought about what I told you, about your Bookstore Man?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Honey, this is not the time.”

“Screw that,” Emma said. “What are you going to do?”

“Nothing,” Dean said.

After Cas went to look for Adam, Dean hadn’t had a chance to speak with him. Cas was in the front, holding up a camera and taking pictures of everyone. Adam was somewhere in the back. Dean didn’t want to dwell on it. He didn’t even want to turn around. And he definitely didn’t want Cas to overhear their conversation. He was done with him and his bullshit. Because that’s all it was. Bullshit.

“You make me sad,” Emma mumbled, shaking her head.

“Why do you say that?” Dean wondered, staring at her face in the darkness.

Emma pursed her lips. “Dad, you need to do something about this man. What’s his name anyway? Maybe I could give him a call.”

“Not gonna happen.”

“I talked to Uncle Sam. He said Bookstore Man gave you his number.” Emma grinned mischievously. “I will find it, you know.”

“No, you won’t,” Dean said, narrowing his eyes. “Drop it.”

Emma laughed quietly. “No, Dad. That won’t work on me. I’m going to get you the guy of your dreams whether you like it or not.”

Dean shook his head.

Emma wrapped her arm around Dean’s, resting her head on his shoulder. “You work three-hundred and sixty-five days a year to make sure Charlie and I have a good life. You sacrifice your happiness for us, and don’t deny it because we both know it’s true. Yeah, I know we make you happy, but Dad, eventually we’re going to leave your side. We will find our own happiness. I want to help you find yours.”

Dean held his breath and did not utter a single word. Instead, he leaned his head on top of Emma’s.

Henry and Jesse finished their beat box act and Mary announced Charlie’s act up next. Charlie had picked out the cutest green dress and Dean had helped brush her hair. She looked so beautiful and she was clearly excited to sing her favorite song in front of everyone.

She sang just as well as she had earlier, filling the night with her velvet voice. It sent chills up Dean’s arms and shaped a smile on his lips.

Seeing Charlie up on the deck, surrounded by a million bright lights, singing with her lovely voice, Emma hanging on to his arm with a grin, Dean was sure he had everything he’d ever want in life.

***

“I just have a short poem to recite,” Dean said, walking the few steps up to the deck. He’d written something down earlier in the day. It was still a rough draft, but he wanted to take part in the talent show since he’d fought hard to stay out of most family activities.

“As a writer, I’ve been told not to put down my own work, but poetry is different,” Dean said, unfolding the piece of paper he’d kept in his pocket. “Poetry comes from the heart. Mine is messy, so bear with me. I’m not sure it even qualifies as poetry.”

Cas snapped a quick picture of him, but Dean tried not to look his way. Mary was clasping her hands in front of her. John had an arm around her, smiling at Dean. Sam and Jess were sitting around Henry and Jesse. Charlie and Emma were both lying on their bellies next to each other. Bobby and Jodie were with their two kids in the middle of everyone. And Adam sat way in the back, a bright glow on his face from his cell phone.

Dean said, “My little girl gave me her notebook with pink birds in every corner / She told me to write down a single wish I had / I scribbled my wish when she did, the ones we wrote in secret / Out she pulled two balloons she’d been saving / ‘One for me, one for you,’ she told me / We wrapped up our wishes like scrolls and tied them to each balloon / ‘One white, one blue,’ she told me / Up on the cloudy day the balloons ascended, moved wildly by the wind / The white one soon disappeared amongst the clouds, taking my little girl’s wish with it / The blue one did not have the same fate / it was caught instead, on a cable line, caught forever / Wishes die as soon as they’re forgotten / But I got mine that day / A little redhead wrapped in a blue blanket / just two months old.”

Everyone clapped when Dean stayed quiet. He held up a hand because he was not done. He had another poem, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to recite it. Not until he caught the look on Cas’ face as he lowered the camera. A look that said more than Cas would ever admit.

“One, two, three days / How long does it take? / How long will it take? / Too damn long / For you to understand / That I have fallen / Shot down from the sky.”

The night was quiet except for the crickets in the near distance. No one moved, no one spoke, no one said anything. Cas didn’t take his eyes away from Dean, but Dean did. He looked to Charlie and Emma. They were both beaming.

“Thank you,” Dean said, walking back to his spot.

***

The basement smelled of humidity. Dean had trouble falling asleep, so he rolled from side to side, but every side felt uncomfortable. He knew it was late, knew everyone was asleep, but he couldn’t force himself to fall asleep.

His blanket was warm and his pillow was soft. He had the recipe for a good night’s sleep, but he wasn’t getting it.

Dean heard creaking upstairs. Someone was still awake. Wandering around the house. He wondered who it was, but he didn’t wonder too long.

A knock at his door made him clear his throat. Dean flipped on the lamp beside his bed. “Come in,” Dean called, too lazy to get out of bed. The door opened and closed, and he saw a shadow coming down before he spotted Castiel.

Cas was holding Dean’s book in his chest. He was wearing pajama pants and a white t-shirt. His eyes were too wide and alert.

Dean sat up in bed, pulling the blanket along with him. It was chilly in the basement, more than the rest of the house.

“Hi,” Cas said.

“Hi.” Dean waved a hand at his book. “You up reading?”

Cas nodded, glancing around the dark basement. “I hope I didn’t wake you.”

“You didn’t,” Dean said. “Want to sit?”

“Not in your bed,” Cas said. “I’ll sit here.” Cas took a seat five feet from the side of Dean’s bed, his hair ruffled and his cheeks pink. “Adam’s sleeping. I came down here because I have a question. I was reading your book and then I flipped to the back, where it shows your picture. You’re from Kansas?”

“Yeah,” Dean said, lifting up a shoulder. “I was born in Lawrence. Was that it?”

Cas shifted slightly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Dean, what the hell was that? That poem you read?”

Dean blinked, chewing on his lower lip. “How about this? I have questions for you too, and I sense that you being here in the middle of the night means you have more questions too. Let’s trade a question for a question. Honesty hour.”

“That sounds good,” Cas said. “It works for me.”

Dean sighed. “Well, to answer your question. The poem was for you. Did you know that?”

“I was afraid of that,” Cas said. “What if your family suspects?”

“Then they’ll finally know what we’ve been hiding. Why are you so afraid?”

Cas set down the book on his lap, running his hands through his hair, messing it up even more. “Dean, I don’t know what to do about you, I swear. You make everything so difficult. I’m afraid because you make me feel like a bad person.” Cas pressed his lips in a tight line. “Did you grow up in this town?”

Dean swallowed, feeling the world collapsing on top of him. He had to focus on this conversation if he was going to get any answers. “I did. My parents moved here when I was four. Do you like your job?”

“I love my job. I got my first camera from my dad, and I still have it back at home,” Cas muttered. “When did you have your first kiss?”

Dean smiled slightly. “When I was sixteen. It was with Cassie. We didn’t date until I was eighteen, but we wanted to get our first kiss out of the way, so we kissed in her bedroom. It was the most exciting moment of my life. Are you in love with Adam?”

Cas looked calm as ever, not at all fazed by the question he should have known was coming. “No,” he said. “I thought I could fall in love with him. I wanted to convince myself I could feel that way about someone again. But every time I asked myself that question, I found the same answer. I care about Adam very much, but I’m not in love with him.”

Dean didn’t know how to feel about that answer. It was perhaps the most honest response he’d ever received from Cas. But Adam was his brother. Dean nodded.

“Have you ever been in love, Cas?”

“That’s two questions,” Cas said. He gazed at him, dark blue eyes stirred with emotion Dean didn’t recognize. “My past isn’t something easy for me to discuss.” He swallowed hard. “The first time I ever fell in love I gave everything away. My heart, my time, my life, my faith. And just like that I was destroyed.” Cas looked away, lowering his head, glancing back to the book on his lap. “Eventually, he told me I was ‘the other one.’ He’d had someone, but I was just his extra.” He shook his head. “It changed so much in me. After him, there were many more, consisting of drunken one-night stands, escorts, you name it. For a long time I didn’t care. I didn’t want to let myself feel anything for anyone anymore.”

It was hard for Dean to listen to the cracks in Cas’ voice, but he realized this was just as difficult for Cas to admit. And Dean was touched that the man trusted him that much. But damn, Dean also wished he knew who had been the bastard that hurt Cas so much.

“That was many years ago,” Cas continued, playing with the dust jacket of the book. “I started going on blind dates about five years ago, trying to make myself feel the same way I did once. It was the hardest thing I’ve had to do. And I found that I hate blind dates.” He chuckled sadly. “When I met Adam, I thought I’d take another chance. He was charming and he knew exactly what to say. I wanted to love him, I really tried. But instead I thought about all the things that bother me about him. I was never sure about him, but then he asked me to join him for this family gathering.” He paused. “And then I met you.”

“All I’ve managed to do is annoy you,” Dean said softly. “I get it.”

“You’re wrong,” Cas said. “You’ve managed to shake up my world in three days. You made me question everything. You make me nervous, you know? That tingling feeling in my stomach hadn’t been there ever since I can remember. With you, Dean, I feel like I haven’t felt in so many years. You make me wish for a second chance.”

Dean cleared his throat, glancing into Cas’ eyes again. “What’s your question for me?”

Cas frowned. He pulled up his knees and wrapped his arms around them. “After everything I’ve told you, do you find me repulsive?”

“No,” Dean said immediately. “Of course not, Cas. Are you serious? I’m no one to pass judgment on you. I’ve made mistakes. I’m far from perfect. Actually, I respect you for your honesty. Thank you for trusting me.”

Cas nodded. “No more questions?” he said after a moment.

Dean pondered that. He wanted to know more, but he didn’t want to pry. Finally he thought of something and smiled before asking, “What’s your favorite word?”

Blinking, Cas tilted his head. “Fickle.”

“Love is a fickle thing,” Dean muttered.

“Indeed it is.” Cas grinned. “What’s yours?”

“Banana,” Dean deadpanned.

Cas burst into laughter, quickly covering his mouth with his hand. “Is there any meaning behind that?”

Dean shook his head. “It’s just fun to say. No shame in admitting it.”

“Well, I think we’ve had a very interesting talk,” Cas said, getting back on his feet. He clutched the book to his chest and took a step back. “I’m going to go upstairs and finish this. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Sweet dreams,” Dean said.

Cas smiled. “Good night, Dean.”

***

Dean heard a lot of shouting after he came out of the shower, dressed in jeans and a plaid shirt and ready for breakfast. He went to the living room, only to find the last of his family members running out the front door. Dean stood on the threshold as he watched the scene unfold.

Cas and Adam had a full audience. Cas was yelling at Adam, and Adam was yelling back, and Dean wasn’t sure exactly what either of them were saying, but there were murmurs and gasps all around.

“—Really? You really think this will work out after I told you—” Cas shouted.

“—It will work out because I want us to work out—” Adam yelled.

Cas looked at Dean’s family, running a hand through his hair. Dean noticed his trench coat was back on over his suit. “I’m sorry I have to go this way,” Cas told Mary. “Thank you for your hospitality.”

“Cas, don’t go,” Adam insisted, reaching for his arm, but Cas pulled away.

“Don’t do this,” Cas said. “I’m leaving.”

Adam backed away, until he crashed into Sam, and he spun around. Cas got in his car, started it, and drove away. Everyone turned and headed inside, and Dean moved out of their way. Soon, the living room was packed and the front door was shut, and Dean leaned against the wall as Adam explained what happened.

“This morning he told me it was over,” Adam mumbled. “He told me everything I said to him was a lie. His bags were all packed. I asked him what he meant by that and he just said…he said that I stole Dean’s words. From his book.” Adam looked at Dean with a frown. “And then he left.”

Dean raised his brows, surprised that some of the truth had come out this way. He folded his arms and held his brother’s gaze.

“I just didn’t know what to say,” Adam confessed. “You’ve always had the right words, and I’m not like that.”

“Some people prefer honesty over nicer words,” Dean said.

Adam grunted. Mary embraced him and Dean had to leave the room. Get out of there. He walked outside and paced the front porch.

Dean’s phone rang. He answered it without checking the screen. “Yeah?”

“Meet me at the bookstore.”

“Cas?”

“I’ll be waiting here.”

Call ended.

Dean blinked at his cell phone. This was unexpected. He thought Cas was already on a flight back to New Mexico. Dean pulled out his keys and rushed to his Impala.

In a matter of seconds, he was on the road on his way to Cas. There were so many thoughts flying through his mind and he wouldn’t dare think of what consequences would come from this. His heart was racing.

He parked next to the familiar car in front of the bookstore. He glanced out his window to see Cas gripping his steering wheel and glancing at his lap. Dean got out of his Impala and knocked on Cas’ passenger side window. Cas signaled for him to come inside, so Dean opened the door and got in.

“I didn’t mean to cause a scene,” Cas whispered, his grip loosening on the wheel.

Dean smiled sympathetically. “That was mostly my brother.”

“It was my fault.”

“Cas, what am I doing here?”

Cas shrugged, staring into Dean’s eyes. “I wanted to see you.”

Dean sighed, throwing his head back on the seat and closing his eyes. “We’re still stuck in this phase, aren’t we? Still playing these games. I thought after last night we could be open with each other. Say things how they are. I can’t believe how wrong I was about you.”

“I love you.”

Dean opened his eyes, facing Cas. There was absolute sincerity in his eyes, mixed with a lot of mutual fear. “You love me,” Dean whispered.

“I love you.” Cas smiled, wide and bright. “Dean, I love you.”

Dean laughed. He simply couldn’t help himself. “This is crazy.”

“A little bit, yeah,” Cas said, still smiling. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”

“Where are we going?” Dean asked.

“The beach. Let’s go to the beach.”

“Take me to the beach,” Dean said with a nod. “Today, I’m all yours.”

Cas laughed as he started the car. “That sounds perfect.” He drove them in comfortable silence, occasionally turning to look Dean in the eyes. “God you are so beautiful.”

Dean hummed in thought. “No one’s ever told me that before.”

_“Really?”_

“Yeah,” Dean said, shrugging.

“You’re gorgeous,” Cas said, licking his lips. “And I am dying to kiss you.”

Dean’s stomach flipped hearing that. For a fraction of a second, he considered that this was moving too fast. That Cas had just broken up with Dean’s brother, and now they were talking about love and kissing and things were suddenly different, yet they were the same. Because Dean wanted to kiss him too, but he’d always wanted to kiss him.

When they arrived at the beach, it was mostly empty. Cas got out of the car first and Dean followed suit. They both sat on the hood of the car, close enough to graze their shoulders, and they stared at the ocean.

“I want you to tell me something,” Dean said, staring ahead.

“Anything you want,” Cas said easily.

“Did you ever want to have kids?” Dean asked, genuinely curious.

Cas exhaled a long breath. “Yeah, at one point in my life I did. I wanted to be a father, to have that role in my life. It just never played out that way. Nothing ever happens smoothly.”

“I agree,” Dean said, licking his lips.

“I know that your girls come first for you, Dean. As they should.” Cas reached for one of Dean’s hand, lacing their fingers. Dean stared at their hands with a tiny smile. “I understand you more than you think.”

Dean lifted his eyes, facing Cas. Their heads were so close that their noses touched when the other man looked up. Dean was struggling to breathe normally, his chest heaving with excitement. Having Cas this close was intoxicating.

He moved closer, until their lips brushed softly. Cas’ eyes fluttered shut as Dean deepened the kiss, and Cas’ lips parted easily. Dean sighed into him, reaching to cup Cas’ cheek with a trembling hand. Dean pulled back slightly, his eyes searching Castiel’s.

“I can’t believe this is real,” Dean said, leaning their foreheads together. “That you chose me.”

“Dean,” Cas breathed, running a hand through Dean’s hair. “There was never a competition for my affections. It was always you. I was just too much of a coward to own up to it.”

Dean heard his laughter, but didn’t immediately recognize it at his own until he felt himself shaking. “I’ve never lived a longer three days.”

Cas smiled, the hand on his hair moving down to Dean’s neck, reeling him forward again until their lips crushed. Cas kissed him hungrily, desperately, and yet his lips were tender and sweet. Dean went limp in his arms and kissed him with the same conviction. Cas broke their kiss only to move his lips to Dean’s jaw, leaving a trail of kisses leading down to his neck and throat.

Dean shivered from more than the cold, and released Cas’ hand, moving both of his hands around Castiel’s shoulders and pulling him closer. Cas groaned when their chests touched and his hand travelled down Dean’s torso. Dean moaned when Cas locked their lips together again, and dipped the tips of his fingers on the waistband of Dean’s jeans.

“I want these off,” Cas murmured between kisses.

“I won’t get arrested for this,” Dean said, capturing Cas’ lower lip between his teeth.

“Don’t ruin the illusion,” Cas gasped, as Dean manhandled him, throwing him on his back and crawling over him. “That’s better.”

“No,” Dean said hoarsely. “Not here.”

Cas laughed silently. “Okay, so then where?”

Dean nibbled on Cas’ ear until Cas moaned, gripped Dean’s back desperately. “First, we have to go back home and come clean with my family.”

Cas stilled in his arms, his short breaths quickening. “Dean, what exactly are you asking from me?”

Dean furrowed his brows, leaning up on his elbows. “I want you to be by my side when I tell Adam about us.”

“What?” Cas sat up, pushing Dean away from him. “That’s insane, Dean. Why would I go back there right now? After the way Adam reacted? I’m not ready to face that again.”

Dean sat beside him, staring blankly at the man who had just told him he loved him. “This is for us. Adam is going to kick my ass when I go back there, and you can’t even be there to back me up? I’m not asking much from you, just your presence.”

“Dean, no, I won’t step in that house again.” Cas ran a hand through his hair, jumping down from the hood of his car. He walked over to his door and opened it. “What kind of person would I prove to be? What will your family think of me? I mean, I dump one brother and show up an hour later telling them I’m in love with the other one? Something tells me that’s not going to work out.”

Dean couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Cas was completely overreacting. Most of all, he was disappointing Dean. Was he ashamed of him? Is that why he never told Adam about them?

“Where are you going?” Dean snapped, walking closer to Cas before he got in the car.

“I’m going to return this car to the rental place, and then I’m going to get on my flight back home.” Cas got in, shut the door, and started the engine. He wouldn’t look Dean in the eye, and it was killing him. “Dean, I can’t do this right now.”

Dean gaped at him, clenching his hands into fists. “You’re running out on me? You’re so afraid of what people will think of you that you’d rather hide than be with me? Cas, tell me that’s not true.”

Cas closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened his eyes, it was only to slam his hands on the steering wheel and curse under his breath. Cas pulled out of the parking lot and drove away.

In an instant, it occurred to Dean that he and Cas were very similar. They were both excellent at running away from their problems.


	9. Chapter 9

Emma was sitting in the front porch, rocking back and forth on the chair that John usually occupied. She was alone, and she wasn’t even staring at the bright screen of her cell phone. Dean had a bad feeling as he approached her, hiding his keys back in his pocket. It had been a long walk from the beach back to the bookstore, and he was just too tired to talk, let alone argue.

The rocking chair stopped moving, and Emma got up, meeting Dean on the top step. She set both of her hands on her hips, gazing into Dean’s eyes with scrutiny. “Dad, we need to talk.”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “Mind if I go inside first?”

“Yes, I do mind,” Emma said, moving a step to the left to keep Dean from walking forward. “I found his letter.”

“What letter?” Dean asked, his mind rushing to dig up information about any sort of letter he might have left out in the open. He hadn’t received a letter in years.

“On your bed, there was a letter,” Emma said, folding her arms in despair.

“Sweetheart, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Dean said, taking another step to the left. “There wasn’t any letter on my bed this morning. Right after I got out of the shower I went—oh.” Realization poured over Dean. He’d gone straight after Cas. He never went back to the basement after his shower. Had Cas left a letter for him?

Emma nodded, signaling with her hand for Dean to keep up. “Right. The letter Cas left on your bed, where he clearly states that he’s madly in love with you and he wants to start over.”

“He said that?” Dean asked, chewing off a smile.

“Dad, when were you going to tell me that Castiel is the Bookstore Man?” Emma demanded.

“I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell Adam. Hell, I wanted to shout it out into the night, but Cas didn’t.” Dean frowned, avoiding eye contact. “Emma, Cas left. He doesn’t want to be with me. That letter doesn’t change anything. He should be here right now.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “Oh, please, you’re giving up _again?_ I’m getting tired of this, Dad. Right now, you and I are going to tell Uncle Adam about this stupid misunderstanding, and you are going to go after Cas.”

“I’m not going to do that,” Dean said, furrowing his brow. “I have dignity, you know.”

“And a shitload of pride,” Emma added. She placed her hands on Dean’s shoulders, holding him down. “Wait here a sec.” She smiled mischievously before turning and rushing inside.

Dean felt his knees go weak as soon as the front door swung open again and one by one, his entire family exited and filled the front porch. Dean took a few steps back, almost tripping back on something. Finally, he held on to the small fence to keep his balance. Adam came out last, followed by Emma.

“Son of a bitch,” Dean muttered, eyes flickering over everyone. He didn’t like having audiences, especially not for this particular announcement. Dean had wanted to put Cas through this torture so many times, and now he was terrified. Alone, and terrified. He really couldn’t blame Cas for running because that was starting to sound pretty damn good.

“What’s going on?” Adam asked, frowning deeply.

“Yeah, what’s with the suspense?” Sam wondered, wrapping an arm over Jessica.

Mary took a step closer, but Dean held up a hand. “You’re scaring me, Dean,” she said.

Emma hugged Charlie from her place, and she smiled encouragingly at Dean, but Dean could only swallow in fear.

“Adam,” Dean mumbled, trying his best to look his younger brother in the eye. This was going to hurt like a bitch. “Do you remember that day I came in from the bookstore, told you I met someone?”

Adam squinted at him, his red rimmed eyes cloudy and sad. “Yeah…what about it?”

Dean clenched his jaw. “That man, the one I met that day, it was Castiel.” A few gasps went around the group, but Dean focused on Adam’s confused expression. “We met before we even knew the situation. Nothing happened. We’ve kept it a secret, but it’s over. It’s all over. Cas is gone, and I’m here, and I’m sorry.”

Adam gaped at Dean, his chest heaving, his eyes filled with unshed tears, and had Dean looked down, he would have seen his clenched fists and escaped the first blow. Adam was fast, so fast that Dean barely had time to blink before he was punched on his other cheek. A couple people screamed, children sobbed, and Dean fell to his knees, covering his face more in shame than in fear.

When he looked up, he saw John and Sam holding Adam back.

“You always take what’s mine,” Adam snapped, struggling to free himself. “You don’t see how much I want to be like you, do you, Dean? You don’t get why I read and read your books, just so I can learn more about you. But you don’t ever see that! You took everything from me. My dreams, my pride, my dignity. I wanted to be a writer myself, Dean. For years I wanted to be just like you, I wanted to make you proud. But you always proved to be better at everything, and I always lost.”

“Adam…”

“No, Dean, you just don’t get it,” Adam whispered, stepping closer, as much as he could with both John and Sam gripping his arms. “Cas is another one of your projects. And here we are again. I lost him.”

“Adam, it’s really not what you think,” Dean tried pleading, but Adam wasn’t listening. “I would never do anything to purposely hurt you.”

Adam laughed mirthlessly. “And yet you always hurt me! Always, Dean. Why is it that you’re just so much better than me in every way possible?”

Dean hung his head, slumped his shoulders, and stared at the ground with no quick response. His brother was right. Adam had so much pain in his heart, buried deep down for so many years. Why hadn’t Dean ever taken his time to see this? All this time, he had felt sorry for himself, but he had it all wrong. Cas had even said it. It was always Dean. If he hadn’t been so fucking stubborn, he would have been able to see all of this.

A hand on his shoulder made Dean look up. Standing behind him was Cas, staring down at Dean with a frown the size of the sky. He gripped his shoulder once before he cupped Dean’s swollen cheeks. “Dean…”

“Cas,” Dean gasped, breathless and confused and broken. “Are you an angel?”

Cas smiled sadly, falling to his knees beside him. He pressed his forehead against Dean’s, his hands slipping to Dean’s neck. “Unfortunately, I’m not. But I came back. I wanted to save you from this.”

“You knew,” Dean whispered, pulling back to meet Cas’ clear blue eyes. “You knew how Adam felt all along, and you didn’t tell me.”

Cas shrugged. “It wasn’t my place to say it.”

Dean turned back to his family. Adam looked calmer now. His knuckles were bleeding. Emma and Charlie disappeared, and so did the rest of the kids. Jess must have taken them all inside as soon as the first punch happened.

“I’m sorry,” Dean said repeatedly. He wasn’t sure who exactly he was apologizing to anymore, but he couldn’t stop saying it. The words felt hollow and worthless. He stared at the ground as footsteps drifted back inside and he shook violently. Cas coaxed him into his arms and held him tightly for what felt like an eternity.

Despite everything, Dean knew that he loved the man that embraced him so securely. He knew that it wouldn’t be an easy road for them, but he was willing to walk through it.

***

**3 YEARS LATER**

The sandwiches were packed and ready to go. Although the drive wouldn’t be long this year to his parents’ house, he still liked making lunches for his family. Dean dropped three individually-wrapped sandwiches into three bags and cleaned up the mess he’d made in the kitchen.

Life in Rhode Island had been as peaceful as he’d always dreamed. Granted, the usual problems of everyday life were still present, but overall, Dean was happy.

“Charlie,” Dean called upstairs. “I’ve got your lunch money ready. You’re going to be late for school.”

“Coming!” she called back.

Dean smiled to himself. His little girl had grown a lot in three years. For one, she was tall. Dean always joked that she wouldn’t have a need to wear high heels, and surprisingly, Charlie seemed okay with that. He stood against the wall near the stairs and waited until Charlie came down to pull her into his arms.

Charlie squirmed under his hold, kicking until she was put down. She pouted at him, obviously not okay with being carried. “Dad, I’m ten years old. Please stop treating me like a baby.”

“I’m not treating you like a baby,” Dean said with a wide smile. “I’m treating you like my daughter.”

“I don’t see you picking up Emma and swinging her around,” Emma said.

“True,” Dean said, pulling out a five from his front pocket. “But that’s the price you have to pay for this.”

Charlie rolled her eyes. “I’m complaining to Grandma about this.”

“Ooh, I’m so scared,” Dean said, mimicking shivers. “Ow—damn it, you hit too hard.” Dean rubbed at his arm.

Cas had come down the stairs in almost complete silence because Dean hadn’t been warned of his sudden appearance. “There’s more where that came from if you don’t stop messing with her.”

“I hate it when the two of you gang up on me,” Dean mumbled, walking down the hallway. He grabbed the keys from the table by the door and tossed them to Cas, who caught them reflectively. “Your turn to take Charlie to school. I gotta pack our bags.”

“I’m afraid you’re too slow, baby.” Cas leaned his shoulder against the wall, folding his arms as he smiled at Dean. “I just finished packing.”

Dean smiled in return. “Well aren’t you efficient.”

Charlie sighed, walking past Dean, dragging her backpack on the floor. “I’ll be in the car until the googly eyes disappear. Yuck.”

“Be there in a minute, sweetie,” Cas called. Dean waited until the front door shut to reach for Cas and crush him against the hallway wall. Cas laughed with the motion, and Dean held him there with the pressure of his forearm against his chest.

“If the packing’s all done, then I wonder what we’re going to do all day,” Dean said, inching closer.

Cas smirked. His hands traveled down Dean’s back, fingers tipping down the waistband of his jeans. “I have a few suggestions.”

Dean wasted no time and pressed their lips together, delving in the intensity of the short kiss, indulging the quiet sounds escaping Castiel’s lips. He pulled back too soon, but Cas held on a second longer, hiding his face in Dean’s neck, briefly nipping the sensitive skin there as a promise.

“Five minutes,” Cas whispered, words mumbled. He pulled back, jiggling his keys as he walked backwards to the door. His hair was a wild mess as usual. Dean laughed when Cas hit the door unexpectedly. Cas pointed at Dean with his index finger, holding up his other hand. “Give me five minutes.”

Dean checked his non-existent watch. “Alright, hurry it up, pal. Time’s running.”

Cas grunted, sucking on his lower lip before turning around and rushing out the front door.

Dean smiled as he watched him go, his heart racing in anticipation.

***

Even after two years, their marriage was as spontaneous as their first year of dating. Dean couldn’t believe how fast the years had passed. One year after they’d met, Dean and Cas had gotten to know each other enough to realize that they both wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. So, after getting married, they talked about moving out of Dean’s house in New York, and when Cas told him how much he liked Rhode Island, Dean didn’t waste time.

Their house was small, compared to the one his parents’ owned, but Dean and Cas loved it. They’d picked it out together. It was a two-story brick house, a few minutes’ drive from home. Emma had a room to herself whenever she visited from college, and Cas had a studio in their garage. Dean even had his own library room. After his movie became a success, the demand for his books went up. He hadn’t written anything new since, until Cas went to him with a great idea.

A book with photographs. Cas had so many photographs, from all of his travels. Each photograph held its own story, especially because Cas had visited some of the smaller towns, places you wouldn’t want to see in a popular magazine. Cas offered all of his photographs to Dean so that he could use them however he wanted, and Dean had been immediately inspired. The minute he called his agent to give him the news, Garth went crazy. It was about time a new book came out.

Except this time, it wasn’t just _his_ book, it was _theirs_.

Dean was up in their bedroom when Cas came barging in, kicking off his shoes and pulling up his shirt. Dean tilted his head from his desk, watching intently as his husband stripped down to his boxer briefs.

“Where do you want me?” Cas asked enigmatically, removing the last piece of clothing.

Dean snorted. “Good to know our romance isn’t dead.”

Cas nodded once. “You’re right.” He cleared his throat. “My love, where do you want me?”

Dean chuckled, getting up. “I love you,” he said, shedding his own clothes.

Cas groaned. “You make it so hard on me sometimes. I was so determined to come up here and get fucked until noon, but now I just want to cuddle you and whisper things in your ear.”

“You sap,” Dean accused, standing naked now. “We can do that later. Come here.” Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’ waist, kissing his lips before kissing down his jaw, down to his collarbone, slow enough to keep Cas on the edge. Cas gripped Dean’s hair as Dean moved lower, kissing his chest, his stomach, his hipbones. Cas gave an involuntary jut forward that made Dean smile.

“You drive me absolutely crazy,” Cas gasped, already tilting his head back. Dean held him still as he took him into his mouth, and Cas gave a sigh of relief as his cock was enveloped in heat.

Dean glanced up at Cas, feeling his own erection as Cas licked his lips. Dean pulled back, ignoring Cas’ quiet protest. He kissed Cas again, biting his lower lip a few times just for good measure. Dean moved Cas closer to the bed, tipping him back until he fell completely on it, and Dean crawled over him. Cas grinned at him, his dilated eyes a perfect shade of navy, and Dean reached into his drawer for their bottle of lube.

Cas folded his hands behind his head, staring up at Dean in amusement.

Dean kissed the corner of his lips before he spread a generous amount of the lube on his fingers. “What?” he asked suspiciously.

“I’m just trying to contain my excitement,” Cas confessed, his smile broadening.

“You’re such a teenager,” Dean said, leaning back on top of him, reaching with one of his fingers into Cas’ opening. “And I adore you for that.”

Cas held his breath as Dean’s finger slipped inside of him, pulling Dean’s face down so he could kiss him softly. Dean moved another finger in when Cas started jutting his hips to the motion. Dean continued kissing him, inhaling the sweet scent of his breath, his tongue tasting every part inside his mouth. Cas pulled away only to kiss down Dean’s neck.

“You ready, baby?” Dean asked, arching an eyebrow.

“Fuck yeah.”

Dean removed his fingers and spread the lube on his cock, watching Castiel as he moved inside of him, shifting on top of him. Cas sucked on his lower lip, staring into Dean’s eyes as Dean seated himself completely inside him. Cas let out a long exhale, begging Dean to move.

Dean did. He moved at a slow pace at first, until Cas wrapped his legs around Dean’s waist, urging him to move faster and harder, and Dean wasn’t one to refuse. He kissed Cas again, desperately and messily and their ragged breaths filled the room.

“I love you,” Cas panted into Dean’s lips, his fingers digging into Dean’s hair. Dean gripped his hands on Cas’ shoulders, slamming his forehead against his chest. “I love you so much, Dean.”

Dean lifted his head so Cas could catch his smile, and Cas kissed him slowly again. In contrast with their rushed movements and sharp breaths, their kiss was tender and patient and full of so many unspoken emotions.

Dean pulled out almost completely, and he moved back in quickly, which got a loud scream out of Cas. Dean’s husband shivered underneath him, his come spilling over Dean’s chest. Dean circled his hand on Cas’ cock while he emptied himself and then he kissed him.

Cas was panting and still recovering when Dean felt that familiar jolt in his groin, and he knew he was close. Dean grabbed Cas’ hands and laced their fingers as he thrust his hips faster. He lost his rhythm soon after, and Dean felt himself spill his seed inside Cas, moaning in pleasure into Cas’ bare chest. Dean bit into his skin, hard enough to make Cas yelp.

Dean laughed breathlessly, lifting his head to gaze at Cas’ disheveled look. “You still _just_ wanna cuddle?”

Cas smiled faintly, his eyes fluttering like butterfly wings. “This was a good predecessor.”

“Mm-hmm,” Dean agreed. He kissed Cas’ chest as he pulled out carefully, and then he rolled to his side and glanced at Cas’ profile. The man looked messier with his stubble, but he looked just as handsome as he had the first time Dean had seen him in that bookstore, and just as bewildered.

 “See something new in my face?” Cas asked, tilting his head toward Dean, his smile still present.

“No,” Dean said. “I see the same person I saw when I first met you, and the same one I’ll always love.”

“Now who’s the sap?”

Dean swatted Cas’ chest. “It’s still you, asshole.”

Cas captured Dean’s hand in his chest. He kissed him. “It’s all your doing,” Cas whispered.

“Then I’m okay with that,” Dean said seriously. He was slowly drifting to sleep and his hand on Cas’ chest slid down as Dean hugged him.

Cas kissed his forehead this time. “As cute as you look all sleepy on me, we need to get in the shower. We have a long weekend ahead of us, Dean.”

Dean groaned close to his ear. “Five minutes.”

“Look where the last ‘Five Minutes’ got us.” Cas sat up in bed, pulling Dean with him. “Come on, lazy. I’ll make it worth your while.”

“No.” Dean kept his eyes shut. He smiled when Cas kissed his closed eyelids.

“You’ll have time to sleep in the weekend,” Cas promised.

Dean opened his eyes, only to glare at Cas. “Fine.” Dean got up and stretched, jumping when Cas slapped his ass.

“Assbutt,” Cas mumbled as he walked past him.

Dean was wide awake now, amused by Cas’ new word.

***

Dean’s childhood home still had the same feel to it, even though he no longer held the house in a pedestal. He liked his own home better.

Cas handed Charlie her bag and pulled out the other two. Dean took his and Cas shut the Impala’s trunk.

“Home sweet home,” Dean said, watching as Charlie ran up to the front door. He noticed Emma’s car parked in the corner of the driveway and his spirits lifted.

“I miss that girl,” Cas said, as though he could read Dean’s mind.

Dean nodded. “I’ll try to mask how desperate I am to see her. Tell me if it’s not working.”

“Honestly, baby, when has that ever worked for you?”

Dean pulled a face that only made Cas laugh.

They made it inside. The smell of Mary’s famous chicken casserole welcomed him, but then he spotted Mary herself and she pulled him in for a hug. She did the same with Cas.

“Oh, you boys are looking good and healthy,” Mary said.

“Mom, you see us every week,” Dean said.

Mary nodded. “And I’m proud to see you’re still improving.”

“So are we,” Cas said.

“Darling, where’s my baseball?” John called from the living room. “Bobby won’t believe I got it signed.”

Mary rolled her eyes. “Your father’s about to show off. I’ll try to hold him off as long as possible. You two go on, go have fun.”

Dean and Cas dumped their bags near the door and walked over to Sam and Jess. “Hey, Sammy—Jess,” Dean said, hugging them before Cas did the same. “How’s life treating you both?”

“Ugh, your brother won’t let me cook anymore,” Jess complained. “Ever since he got that recipe book, he wants to try something new every night. I can’t believe I’d ever miss cooking.”

“She’s just jealous because my roast beef kick’s ass,” Sam said.

“I think Dean and I found a good system,” Cas said. “He makes dinner and I make breakfast.”

Dean nodded. “I didn’t even have to ask.”

“You two make me sick with your perfect marriage,” Sam said, shaking his head.

“You behave,” Jess said, wrapping her arm around Sam’s. “Grumpy moose.”

Dean and Cas laughed at that. Dean was wiping away the tears when he heard someone call his name. He turned at the same time as Cas, and they both found Adam. Dean’s younger brother was smiling at them, hands in his jeans pockets.

“Hey, Adam,” Sam and Jess said simultaneously.

“Adam,” Dean said. The last three years had been difficult, especially during their annual family reunion. Adam still lived in New Mexico. He’d missed the first year after the incident, and the year after that he’d showed up with a man, high and wasted. They rarely left their rooms, and Dean felt guilty for it, as well as uncomfortable. But this year, things seemed a lot different.

Cas shifted on his feet beside him, extending his hand. “Hello, Adam.”

Adam looked at Cas’ hand for a long moment before he shook it, and then he pulled him in for a hug. Dean watched in amazement. Adam hugged Dean after, and Dean clung to him, relief washing over him.

“I miss you, Dean,” Adam said quietly.

Dean hugged him tighter. “Me too.”

Adam pulled back, holding Dean at arm’s length. “You look good.”

“You too,” Dean said in earnest. “God, Adam, I’m so fucking glad you’re here…I—I want my brother back.”

“So do I,” Adam said. He turned back to Cas. “I heard that you opened up your own business. Congrats, man.”

Cas smiled. “Thank you, Adam.”

“I hope we can start over this year,” Adam told both of them.

“Of course,” Dean said easily.

Adam smiled at him one last time before he spotted Charlie and went over to greet her with a warm hug and lots of kisses.

Cas laid his hand on Dean’s shoulder, squeezing it. Dean glanced at him until someone cleared their throat. Sam and Jess had disappeared and Emma stood in their place.

“Am I interrupting your love fest?” she asked.

Dean lost his cool immediately, grinning like an idiot and bombarding Emma with questions. He was basically bouncing on his feet at the sight of her. Emma called every week, but Dean still missed her.

“You didn’t even try!” Cas accused, throwing up his hands in surrender.

“Yeah, he never does,” Emma said. “How are you, Cas? I haven’t thanked you properly for that camera you sent on my birthday.” She embraced him, pulling away quickly. “Thank you.”

Cas seemed to be blushing. “I’m glad you liked it.”

Dean was beaming at the two of them. “Oh, almost forgot. How are your grades, young lady?”

Emma blinked at him. “Nothing short of extraordinary, I assure you.”

Cas elbowed him on the ribs. “That was better. Another take and you’ll get it.”

Emma laughed. “I forgot how entertaining it was to be around both of you. I’d love to stay and chat, but I still haven’t seen my sister.”

“She’s with Adam,” Dean said.

Emma raised a brow. “Nice. That’s progress.” She went away before Dean could respond.

Cas pulled Dean by the hand, dragging him all the way to the back deck. Dean followed behind, glancing at Adam, Charlie, and Emma before he stepped outside.

“What’s up?” Dean asked, worriedly.

“Nothing,” Cas said. “I just wanted to take a breath of fresh air. Clear my head.” He stood beside Dean, still holding his hand.

“It relaxes you to be with me?” Dean asked, astounded. He’d lived with Cas for more than two years and there were always new things to learn about each other.

Cas nodded, staring at the lake.

“Adam looks happy,” Dean said after a moment of comfortable silence.

“He does,” Cas agreed.

“Took him a while, but I knew he’d pull through.”

Cas faced Dean with a small smile. “Dean, your family loves you. And you love your family more than you’re probably aware. And I never had that before I met you. My family doesn’t get together. I haven’t seen my brothers and sister in one year. They made their own lives and forgot about everyone else. But you and your family, you have something special.” Cas shook his head. “And I can’t believe I’m a part of it.”

“You are,” Dean said, squeezing his hand. “You’re part of this family now. You have been for some time.”

Cas nodded. “I never really thought of it that way. I guess it finally hit me. You’re my family. They are _my_ family. I’m…”

“You’re happy?”

“I’m ecstatic,” Cas said, leaning toward Dean. “I’m honored to be here, to be with you, to be so fully accepted into this home.”

“Did you not feel this way the first time you were here?” Dean wondered.

Cas looked down. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. I wasn’t sure how I felt about Adam, and I couldn’t think of much more than you.”

Dean pressed their foreheads together, gripping Cas’ hair. “Well, this is our new life, Cas. It’s real and it’s ours. Are you ready to live it with me?”

Cas smiled. “I waited so long for you.”

Dean kissed him because nothing he could say would top that. Real life was easier with Cas.


End file.
